Making a mess
In the words of Eminem, I’m sorry Mama. I never meant tohurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but today I’mcleaning out my closet. And my car and my dirty underwearhamper.
I have received tons of positive feedback from last week’sarticle. Funny thing, the adults whom I have spoken with wish toremain nameless and won’t send me an e-mail because they areafraid of their boss’s reactions. I have received sevenresponses from the student body. I hope that means others out thereare also concerned about how some things are handled on theHilltop. Unfortunately, I haven’t received comments from anyof the top dogs. Either they don’t read our school paper, ortheir secretaries couldn’t think of anything creative torespond with.
So I get the bill for my car insurance the other day. Are youfreakin’ kidding me? The only reason that guys my age havesuch a large crash rate is because we are avoiding all of the girlscruising around talking on their cell phones. I spend more timedriving down 75 and dodging female drivers than I do lookingstraight ahead. In the end, I’ll probably crash into anothermale my age because we are both avoiding the same girl.
Speaking of driving, can someone explain the whole “clickit or ticket” campaign? Look if you are stupid enough to notwear your seatbelt and drive down the highway that’s your ownproblem. In the end, you might pay with your life.
One day you are going to speed along, some girl willforget her car came with a turn signal, and she will jumpinto your lane and send you flying into the median. Buckle up.
I’m so glad Ask Nell is back. Now I will finally havesomeone to ask about sex advice I don’t need because Ihaven’t gotten any since the winter of ‘97. Needless tosay, nobody can make you feel like having an inner thigh rash is nobig deal like Nell can.
Speaking of the DC, congratulations Richard Holson IV forfiguring out there are other college football conferences besidesthe SEC. If I had to read another Thursday sports page about howthe SEC is so great, I was going to poke my eyes out with a plasticfork. Hey Richard, if you like the SEC so much, why don’t youdump your girlfriend and ask the SEC to marry you.
A recent study shows that females that give out their phonenumber twice a day improve their health and improve their sexdrive. The study was conducted at the Fondren Library in the WestStacks on a Friday night with only two respondents. Both of theguys claimed to be studying for a test the next day. Don’tbelieve the study? Meet me at the fountain on Wednesday at 12:30 tocheck the results.
So SMU has been on CNN twice in less than a week. The first timebecause Oklahoma State wide receiver Rashaun Woods set the singlegame touchdown record against the Ponies with seven trips to theend zone. Next was for a little affirmative action bake sale. Incase you didn’t hear, the bake sale sold cookies to whitestudents for $1 and to black students for 25 cents.
The message was intended to speak against the structure ofaffirmative action. The sale was shut down shortly after two youngblack students complained the sale was offensive.
My question is, before they had the booth shut down did they atleast buy four cookies for $1?
Speaking of TV, SMU-TV is in its second semester up and running.Granted the majority of students probably turn in to Channel 7after a long night on Lower Greenville. However, SMU students showsup to the studio day after day and pounds out information to keepthe SMU community on top of things. In case you missed the firstshow in the morning keep Channel 7 on all day long. You won’tmiss a thing. The loop runs continuously, close to 600 times a day— enough to reenact the day’s news with a friend.
To talk news, sometimes you have to make news. On Saturday Ialmost became the first student to get kicked out of a footballgame for beating the snot out of a fellow fan. To the rowdy (andhighly intoxicated fellow), please don’t ever step foot intoFord Stadium and belittle my team, cheerleaders or student body.And to the preacher of school spirit you were standing next to— any time, any place old man. Take your medication, put yourbingo cards away and let’s dance.
The other day I was trying to figure out the point to taking aCF. My conclusion: I could continuously slam my head in an elevatordoor and get more out of it than a CF.
The professors speak in large words (at least two syllables) andtalk about subjects they have spent an eternity researching. For alittle over two hours once a week, I’m supposed to absorbtheir lifetime of information and put it into paper form. WhileI’m at it, maybe I should discover the cure for AIDS. Thenfor my final I will attempt to fly solo around the world in a hotair balloon. Class is in session.
For the last two weeks, I have been training with thewomen’s soccer team. I don’t care what you think. Thelast time I got to chase girls around for 90 minutes and not get introuble was on the playground in third grade. Man there are somelookers, which makes me wonder how does coach Cossaboon do it.Twenty-two ladies responding to your every demand, my hat’soff to you Coach.
Last, I would just like to thank the public. Without you thiscolumn would not be possible.
My time here is all wrapped up. I’ll talk with youlater.
