Ask Nell
Q: Dear Nell,
I started dating a guy who’s really, really great. We havea lot of fun together and I’ve been really happy. Problem is,he has absolutely no idea what he is doing in bed. I don’tknow much about his sex past, but I’m afraid to hurt hisfeelings – he acts like he’s so good in bed! Should Ijust hope he gets better with time?
—Blues in Bed
A: Dear Blues in Bed,
Your problem is not uncommon. Guys complain girls don’tknow what they’re doing and vice versa. I think that your mansuffers from a complex I will call “Man with Unchallenged BigHead (MUBH)”. MUBHs are known for having full confidence inbed, staying with the same moves, and often times bragging abouthow good they are.
Causes for this complex include not listening to partners,believing (often from one partner) that they are the best, orbuilding up confidence to counteract other‘deficiencies’.
There is only one way to cure a MUBH: Deflate his head and bringhim back down to earth. If your guy is as great as he sounds,chances are his contracting MUBH complex was not his fault; maybeno girl has ever told him what to do.
Some guys at 30 do what they do because they haven’t beentold any differently. Others had demanding high school girls whonot only taught them what to do, but set their standards.
Don’t be embarrassed to tell him what you want. The trickis to do it in a way that doesn’t hurt his feelings (guys areas sensitive about their libidos as women are about their weight).Just tell him, “I think it’s time you and I really gotto know what turns us on.”
Make him go first (sorry, but a little manipulation works inthis case), then show him what you want. I’m sure he will beexcited to learn some new things and you will be on your way toshowing him your O-Face.
Q: Dear Nell,
General question. If a girl is ‘not in the mood’ (asthey seem to be all the time), what’s a guy to do?
—Always in the mood
A: Dear Always,
Of course you’re always in the mood. You’re a guy!And I’ll bet there are some times (maybe once every sixmonths) that you would turn down some lovin’ because offootball, whiskey Johnson, or after scarfing down two dozen Bentleywings from Hooters. How would a girl turn you on if you were in oneof the previously mentioned situations?
With guys, where there’s a will there a way…Nowtake everything I just said and forget about it. There’s areason women and men are not one unisexual being. While guys areturned on by physical stimulants (the female form, the Monday nightfootball intro, etc.), girls are turned on by both physical andmental proponents.
To be really excited, a girl has to be comfortable, feel adored,paid in cash up front, whatever. If a girl is not feeling enoughattention or sometimes just feels awkward, her libido will go down.In some situations, there is nothing you can do. Just let herbe.
For all other times, always be attentive to girls, let them knowyou care, and you will be surprised at how fast the ‘not inthe mood’ turns into slurred sweet nothings.
The female window of opportunity is a tricky one, and everywindow is different to open. Learn to be more receptive andyou’ll find out women aren’t as confusing after all.Good luck.
