I’m sick. Coughing, sneezing, wheezing. You name it I have it, and if you get too close then you might catch it too. I was sitting in class earlier, runny-nosed and watery-eyed. I tried to ignore the tickle in my throat and resist the urge to sniffle.

I don’t know if this rule falls under Social Darwinism, but people tend to notice the weak and the sick. When someone blows their nose, people stare. If a person is hacking, the public will gawk. That said, there’s no doubt people have been watching me this week. As if my constant nose blowing isn’t awkward enough already, It’s now standard for me to carry a roll of toilet paper everywhere I go. Sure I would prefer a Kleenex, but they’re far more expensive, and the box is way too bulky to cart around in a backpack.

My biggest problem with this whole ordeal, however, is my constant sneezing. After about the seventh sneeze in under an hour, I made a real effort to go cold turkey. I know, I know, I’ve heard the rumors that holding in a sneeze can cause my eyes to pop out. Other risks include but are not limited to: broken ribs, ruptured eardrums, damaged nasal tissue, and lung injuries, and, of course, brain damage. I looked it up.

But how many “bless you’s” can a guy take? What I have learned is that people will eventually give in. There comes a point when no one wants to bless me anymore; they would rather me just shut up. But why “bless you?” Or even worse, “gesundheit?”

After researching this topic thoroughly, I found a couple possible explanations. Gesundheit just means health in German. Not that exciting, really. Just a euphemism for “stop sneezing.” What is intriguing, however, is that the world’s population used to believe that one’s heart stopped when he or she sneezed. If a “God bless you” wasn’t offered after the occurrence, then it was possible the person’s heart would not start back up, resulting in an unsightly death right there on the spot.

People also used to believe that sneezing was somehow linked to luck. How anyone derived this correlation is beyond me. In this sense, “God bless you” was a sign of acknowledgement, a way to say, “Wow, God must really like you a lot.” So I guess sneezing has its pros and cons in sickness and in health.

But what is a sneeze? Wikipedia told me it was a semi-autonomous, convulsive expulsion that has something to do with foreign particles and nasal mucosa. It is important to note that one doesn’t sneeze only when he or she has junk in his or her nose. People can sneeze because of light changes, temperature changes, and even because of a full stomach.

I think my favorite thing about sneezing is that everybody’s got their own signature sound. It can be short and sweet or low and loud, and if done right, a good sneeze can launch 40,000 particles up to 17 feet. No matter what, a sneeze is very noticeable and usually slightly embarrassing for the instigator, especially if the sneezing comes in twos or threes.

So the next time someone next to you sneezes, think about the history of that spastic exhalation, and forget about its sickly stereotype. Most likely the person is just incredibly lucky. But it’s probably best to dodge those 40,000 droplets of mucus, just in case.

– Peter Goldschmidt

Associate Opinion Editor