Valentine’s Day is coming up. It seems like only yesterday when I sang “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye to my now ex-girlfriend in front of the entire school (it’s on YouTube; check it out) while everyone was cheering my name and screaming “Aww.” Those were the days…

Now I’m a freshman in college, performing in a few shows at Meadows, I write an article every Thursday that I hope people like, and I couldn’t be happier. There’s just one problem: I don’t have a valentine.

The Day of Valentine is a day to spend with someone you love, someone you care about. I have had a valentine every year except fifth grade, when I threw up in front of a girl I liked and was banished by the school and by most of the girls there. Except Andrea Finklestein, but she smelled like ham and gym socks.

I mean let’s be honest, it’s not really a major holiday. It’s really just a gigantic scheme for Hallmark to sell cards to 20- something guys who want their girlfriends to think that they are sensitive. Yeah that card that sings “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 will really show her you’re – well, I guess that actually would show her you’re sensitive because that should be the only reason a guy buys a product with Maroon 5 attached.

Being a theater student, I don’t have many classes outside of Meadows, which causes tremendous problems when trying to meet girls. And in the few classes I do have, I get so nervous when talking to new girls that I choke up and can’t seal the deal. What is a young, handsome, talented, charming man to do?

“Write about it in your paper. That’ll do it,” my friend said.

Which leads us to where we are now. I am looking for a valentine. If I write for the paper, I might as well comment on the matter and that’s what I’m doing. If chosen to be my valentine, you will be treated to a delicious dinner and chocolate, an entire night of your choosing whatever song you want played on my radio show (“The John Paul Green Project,” Sundays at 9 p.m.) and of course, you get to go out with me. What is not to love?

So, ladies, get those MacBooks out and write me. Send me an e-mail and tell me a little about yourself, and I will choose one lucky lady to have the best Valentine’s Day they’ve ever had.

One catch: no girls with big, angry, football player boyfriends.

John Paul Green is a freshman theater major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].