The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

SMU professor Susanne Scholz in the West Bank in 2018.
SMU professor to return to campus after being trapped in Gaza for 12 years
Sara Hummadi, Video Editor • May 18, 2024

Chew with your mouth closed

Gum chewers: I mean you

Please allow me to get out of political mode this week and talk about a little something that’s been bugging me for a while now.

These days, I see it more and more, and the more and more I see it, the more and more stressed and ticked off I get.

Imagine the scene: You walk into the cafeteria (hopefully with a copy of The Daily Campus–specifically one with me in it–under your arm), maybe with a friend, or maybe you happen to meet someone there with whom you want to sit and engage in some stimulating and thought-provoking conversation whilst you dine.

Once you sit and commence eating, however, something that initially doesn’t seem intrusive slowly, but surely, comes to your attention: SMACK, SMACK, SMACK.

Yes, your “friend” is chewing with his or her mouth open.

Honestly, is there anything more disgusting than someone who chews with his mouth open? It seems to me that this is a growing problem with a majority of our youth (and that includes us college students as well).

Now, to be fair, this is mostly a rant about gum chewers. Apparently, people are under the mistaken impression that gum is the one consumable object on the planet that you are allowed to chew with your mouth open.

The problem with that, of course, is that the people who believe this are wrong. Gum does not have some magical property that makes it not disgusting to chew with your mouth open, or somehow muffles that loud and obnoxious smacking sound. Guess what? It’s still disgusting, and we can still hear you smacking.

How the hell have these people gotten away with this for so long? Seriously, these are college students, for God’s sake! You’d think that their parents or, barring that, society and peer pressure would have squashed that out of people early on.

I mean, I know a guy whom I cannot eat with ever again because he actually lifts his lips to expose his teeth and chews in the front of his mouth. Yes, the mental image you have in your head now is just as horrific in real life. I just want to scream at him: “OH. MY. GOD! DID YOU NOT HAVE A MOTHER!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHO DURING YOUR FORMATIVE YEARS LET YOU BELIEVE THIS WAS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR!?”

Then I would calm myself down, apologize for my previous outburst, and finish with, “Seriously, that is absolutely disgusting and you need to chew with your friggin’ mouth closed.”

I’m really starting to feel like it’s just me. Almost everyone I’ve ever met who chews gum does it with their mouth open, completely oblivious to the etiquette faux pas they are committing. And no one else seems to mind, either.

Indeed, they all chew with their mouths open together, secure in their rude, disgusting lifestyles. I don’t know how it happened, but I’m thinking that maybe I’m just out of date. I feel like the cantankerous old man who does nothing but complain about what “those kids” are doing wrong.

Or maybe, just maybe, I am the lone voice of truth in a sea of bad habits. If that’s true, then it falls upon me to educate the masses and help them, help all of us, achieve a higher level of civilized behavior.

And so I start with you: If you don’t already, chew with your darn mouth closed.

Trey Treviño is a sophomore CTV major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].

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