The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

SMU professor Susanne Scholz in the West Bank in 2018.
SMU professor to return to campus after being trapped in Gaza for 12 years
Sara Hummadi, Video Editor • May 18, 2024
Instagram

The “Twilight” aphrodisiac

Tonight at midnight, something very important and special will happen.

And no, I’m not talking about the meteor shower (which I missed due to the billions of lights in the Amesbury Parc apartment complex).

Almost every girl reading this right now will know what I’m talking about. Tonight will be second in importance only to the forthcoming apocalypse in 2012. Tonight, “New Moon” comes out.

For the select few readers who don’t know what “New Moon” is, I’ll give you a brief history lesson. About a year ago, I wrote an article that explained that guys should pick up the “Twilight” series so that they can bust out a quote or talk about being on “Team Jacob” or “Team Edward” (I’m more of a Jacob guy because Robert Pattinson ruined “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” for me, so I have a personal vendetta against him), and it should help your chances with a certain female that you’ve been trying to go out with for a while.

And as “New Moon” is the sequel, I decided to write a sequel to my article from last year. Why? Because I can.

Now, I don’t think many of you heeded my advice, so I’ll repeat it again: do your research men. If a girl likes something like a book about vampires, take some interest in her and show her you care by Wikipedia-ing it or something. Take her to the movie tonight at midnight as a surprise gift. She’ll forget all about the time(s) you missed her birthday. Chances are, however, that she’s already made plans with some girls to go because you never said anything about it.

Girls all over this country take interest in things they don’t care about but that their boyfriends like. Take football: I’m pretty sure my girlfriend hates football (or any sport for that matter), but every time it’s on, she is engaged and asks me “Who’s winning?” or “Who are we rooting for?”

Thankfully, my girlfriend doesn’t like the “Twilight” books, so I don’t have to do more research on them. But I didn’t write this article for myself, I wrote it for my loyal readers searching for a date.

So the movies are boring; so what? She went to see “Transformers 2” with you; you can sit through a movie about glittering vampires.

Now, in order to boost my street cred, I need to repeat that I have not read the books. I don’t need to because I Sparknoted them and don’t feel a need to read them. But if you ask me who the werewolf is (Jacob) or what the girl’s name is (Bella), I’ll tell you even before I finish this sentence, which I did.

Think of it like this: If you go see this movie with her, she might make you dinner, or even better, a brownie. Just take some interest in her. And if you haven’t called her today to tell her how much she means to you, pick up your phone right now as you’re sitting in Umph and call her and say, “Hey honey, do you wanna go see ‘New Moon’ this weekend? Because I’d love to take you.” Once she realizes that you’re being serious, she’ll really appreciate it. Trust me. Take care of her and she’ll take care of you.

Go Team Jacob.

John Paul Green is a sophomore theater major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].

More to Discover