I’ve heard countless parents snobbishly inform me that their children are not allowed to watch “SpongeBob SquarePants.” This conversation usually happens as I watch their little one do something destructive, such as take a Sharpie to the wall and sofa. To which the mother would reply through a clenched jaw, “Oh, he’s just artistic.”

Well, lady, maybe if you would sit your kid down in front of the TV and turn on some good old SpongeBob, little Billy might not spend his time being an embarrassment and disappointment to your entire family.

In all seriousness, I learned a plethora of life lessons from Mr. SquarePants and the gang.

Who could forget the heart-wrenching tale of Mystery the seahorse, SpongeBob’s beloved wild pet?

Though SpongeBob developed a deep love for Mystery, comparable to that of Romeo and Juliet, he knew that it was selfish of him to keep the animal from its natural habitat. He tearfully sent Mystery back to the open sea.

We’ve all heard that “if you love somebody, let them go.” Such wise words, (that I honestly haven’t been able to make sense of in my infinite wisdom) and by gosh, SpongeBob did just that.

Let’s not forget about the time that SpongeBob extended friendship to Plankton, the lowest scumbag in all of Bikini Bottom. (Is a comparison to Jesus appropriate here? Probably not.)

Chum Bucket owner Sheldon J. Plankton has spent the better part of his career trying to destroy the Krusty Krab crew’s livelihood by stealing the Krabby Patty secret “formuler.” Does SpongeBob take this personally? No. He sees straight through Plankton’s antagonistic ways to the lonely heart of a guy with a Napoleon complex.

SpongeBob’s humble and caring approach to Plankton is sure to make viewers of all ages check their own hearts for this kind of love. I know I did.

A fan favorite, “Band Geeks,” showed not only more of SpongeBob’s charitable nature, but also his outstanding leadership skills. When Squidward needed the town to come together so that he could prove his success to his longtime nemesis Squilliam Fancyson, Squidward quickly lost hope.

But who was there to step in and save the day? Why, none other than Mr. SpongeBob SquarePants himself. In just one day of practice, SpongeBob was able to produce what many say was the best underwater performance by Bikini Bottomites at a fictional football game of all time.

Squidward may have been discouraged by questions of the “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” nature, but SpongeBob knew that there’s no such thing as a stupid question. His patience with the amateur musicians showed us all that a little optimism goes a long way.

So, parents, take some time to reassess your strict “No SpongeBob” policy. From what I can observe in the grocery store, your kids are awful anyway. You must be doing something wrong, and my guess is that it has something to do with a deficiency of nautical nonsense.

Thrall is a junior majoring in journalism and film.