To the women on this campus: You are beautiful. That’s right – you’re beautiful. However, I ask you not to seek your validity, or rather, your identity, from us guys. Doing so will lead to hurt and a longing for something that we can not fulfill. Do not measure your self-worth by things such as how many guys seek your attention, who calls you or by how many heads turn your way when you walk into a room. I assume every girl wants to hear the words, “You’re beautiful.” And you are beautiful, but I don’t think many of you realize it. Don’t turn to us guys for your identity or for your fulfillment. In fact, chances are that if we do shower you with praise, we are acting in a self-centered manner and only flatter you with attention or tickle your ears because we have our own selfish motives in mind. Know that you are beautiful on the basis of being intelligent, emotional, dignified human beings created by the only One who can satisfy and fulfill all your needs.
A song contrasts an image of a young girl with ribbons in her hair freely playing in the yard to that same girl, who is now grown and only a semblance of the young and free girl she once was. The song describes her present state saying, “Now the makeup covers all your wounds and your clothes don’t cover much of you. Many nights with many guys but you’ve never once been satisfied. They took your pride and joy in life and never filled your needs.” Guys promise a lot through empty words and actions, but we fail to deliver. Even in the rare circumstances when our motives are pure and we sincerely seek to meet your needs, it is impossible for us to completely satisfy and provide for all your needs, wants and desires because we are fallible humans. Therefore, I encourage you not to look to guys to feel good about yourself; this will leave you unfulfilled and unsatisfied. It will lead to a downward spiral of you doing more and more to seek guys’ attention, but in the end it will only leave you broken and hurt.
In the same way, I encourage you not to allow guys to be your source of joy or happiness. I recently had a conversation with a friend who went through a situation in which she had allowed her boyfriend to be the source of her joy. However, as that relationship began to crumble, she felt a burden and a large void in her heart begin to grow. She learned two things from that hardship in her life which can hold true in your life as well. First, guys can neither fill that void in your heart, nor can they wholly satisfy you. And second, your true identity is found through the One who knows you best – your Creator.
God created you to be exactly who you are. He created your inmost dreams and desires. Most importantly, He loves you and there is nothing you can do to earn His love. While love from a guy has to be earned, maintained and is conditional, God always has always and always will love you no matter what you do. You are a child of God. He knows you’re beautiful and He created you that way. Don’t hide behind your past faults or misdeeds; rather, as the previously mentioned song continues, “Come and show your face and know no sin can cover grace. Because His mercies restore and what’s done is no more.” God gives us a new start. No sin of ours, regardless of size or quantity, can cover the grace of God given to us through Jesus Christ. Jesus reconciled our broken relationship with God so that we may have life and live it to the fullest. God is the only one who can bring you true joy and complete satisfaction. He is the only one to fill your voids.
Regardless of your thoughts about God’s role in this, I ask you not to seek your identity from guys. Your value should not be based on guys’ perceptions or their interactions with you. I guarantee that relying on us guys to satisfy your needs will lead to an unfulfilled void. Please hear that God is the only One who can completely satisfy you. You are beautiful because of the way God made you. Yes, you are truly beautiful.
Stephen Reiff is a sophomore business and political science major. He can be reached at [email protected].
