Stacy answers your questions

Q: Dear Stacy,

I recently saw one of my boyfriend’s friends cheating on his girlfriend. Even though I do not know my boyfriend’s friend or the girl that well, I still think she has a right to know. Should I tell her?

– Jessica

A: Dear Jessica,

This is tough territory. Even though you would prefer to be the good Samaritan in this case, sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut. I know you’re probably thinking, “Well, if it happened to me, I’d want someone to tell me.” Well, yes, of course you would, and so would I. However, as harsh as this sounds, it is none of your business, and once you plunge into this sticky situation, be ready to endure the consequences and a full ride.

It’s easy to act instantaneously and do what you think is “right.” But, bear in mind that this will affect your life too. Can you be sure the girl of this guy will even believe you?

What if she thinks you are crazy and maybe jealous and begins to spread rumors about you? What about your boyfriend’s opinion? Thanks to your crusade, his friend may cease to call him a friend anymore. There are definitely detrimental risks to consider, especially since all of them involve and revolve around you and your actions.

Now, if you are completely unsatisfied with sitting back and duct-taping your mouth shut, there is one reasonable option you could consider. Talk to your boyfriend’s friend if he won’t do it.

You could tell him how it makes you feel uncomfortable to be holding such a weighty secret. You could also convey your disappointment in a general sense (avoid sounding like his or your mother). Lastly, remind him how hurt his girlfriend would be and how he could lose everything in his relationship.

It may not be the solution you had in mind, but this way you could earn brownie points for yourself.

Q: Dear Stacy,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years, and we’re looking for ways to spice up our sexual chemistry in the bedroom. Any suggestions?

– James

A: Dear James,

Don’t despair. This is quite typical for many couples. There are several options for you two to choose. Sometimes you just need to figure out a way to stimulate each other again.

Here are a few suggestions: good old-fashioned bubble baths, purchase a Playboy pay-per-view movie, visit your neighborhood Urban Outfitters (there are always insightful books there), refrain from sexual activity for a week or so to regain momentum or heat things up with a fantasy.

If anything, avoid being lazy. Sure, it has been three years, and you’re both comfortable with each other. You both probably have a specific routine or two, but don’t allow yourself to become bored by taking the easy road. Opt for something different more than just every now and then.

Q: Dear Stacy,

I miss the physical side of a relationship, but I don’t want all the emotional junk. I absolutely love men, though I don’t ever sleep around. I’ve had sex with just one person in my life, and it ended in heartbreak. I’m not ready for a “relationship,” but I miss cuddling sorely. Is it possible to hook up (for cuddling, kissing, affection) with a friend without getting emotionally attached so that when either of us decide to get in a real relationship, we can let go without looking back?

– Sarah

A: Dear Sarah,

I firmly believe everyone at some point in time becomes physically attracted to friends of the opposite sex. Since friends have distinct appealing characteristics that stand out to you, eventually those characteristics become quite alluring in ways you never considered. And attraction is inevitable.

If your friend is in the same position as you, the two of you would be perfect cuddle buddies for the time being. A lot of times men are looking for exactly what you are, minus the titles and work that comes with being in a relationship.

So as long as you understand your goals and guidelines and have effectively communicated them to him as well, you’ve got a good recipe for a cuddle buddy. The emotional attachment would be up to you.

Warning: Make sure your friendship with this person is strong enough to withstand the unexpected.

Stacy Seebode writes a weekly love advice column. She can be e-mailed at [email protected]