Since becoming America’s hat, Canada has contributed great things to the world: the Toronto Maple Leafs, maple leaf syrup, and the maple leaf tree. Yet alongside these greats comes one major failure: Justin Bieber.
But as a way to apologize for the pop star, a 27-year-old Canadian researcher, Alec Falkenham has developed a cream that can help fade and eventually remove tattoo ink over time.
So you want to erase that poorly made tattoo, eh? Well with more research this magic lotion could completely rid your body of that cheap face tattoo of your ex-girlfriend. It won’t get her back, but it’ll get her off your mind.
Falkenham remains unsure how many applications it takes to fully remove a tattoo or when his product will become commercially available. Currently, he is testing his product on tattooed polar bears and pig ears. But mostly pig ears. Okay, exclusively pig ears.
He states that it works especially well on tattoos over two years old. Although this product remains in the works, I’m sure many Canadian hopped on their dog sleds and rushed to volunteer their own tattoos for experimentation. Do Canadians even get tattoos?
“When comparing it to laser-based tattoo removal, in which you see the burns, the scarring, the blisters, in this case, we’ve designed a drug that doesn’t really have much off-target effect,” said Falkenham.
Falkenham’s topical cream works by replacing ink-filled macrophages, cells that “eat up” the ink, with unblemished ones. He says that his product will be much safer and cheaper than laser tattoo removal. Compared to the laser tattoo removal price of $75 per square inch, the cream would cost about four Canadian cents. Or in freedom dollars, three liberty cents.
If the research comes to fruition, Falkenham could single-handedly ruin the laser tattoo removal industry. Less painful, fewer side effects, and cheaper prices, it won’t come as much of a surprise if everybody switches to the cream.
With more development, maybe he’ll add a fragrance to it, probably maple syrup or bacon. Until Falkenham finishes the product, it’s back to the Eskimo hut.
If any Canadians are reading this article, sorry.
