Ann’s categorization of boys

To answer Cousin Davy’s list, I’ve compiled myown.

1. You are a Player.

You don’t just crush a lot. You ARE a player. You gothrough girls like toilet paper. You dish out B.S. faster than afarmer can shovel it. You think you can get any girl you want. Theword relationship is foreign to you.

2. You are a Goober.

You wear too much Abercrombie & Fitch. You always wear aratty baseball cap. You look like you haven’t been to abarber in a while because you’re going for the shaggy look.You speak with a laid-back, pseudo-West Coast accent. You thinkyou’re cool. You think you’re a babe-magnet. If onlyyou knew.

3. You are a Southern Boy.

You drive an un-necessarily over-sized truck with a 12-inch liftand a Husky toolbox. You’re either from the South or wish youwere. You take pride in the Confederate army even though they lost.You have a Confederate flag hanging in your room. You own a pair ofcowboy boots and a cowboy hat. Your day-to-day wardrobe: a polo ort-shirt with some fishing or hunting logo on it, khakis andflip-flops.

4. You are a Frat Boy.

You belong to some fraternity, and you exhibit all the qualitiesof a Goober. If you attend SMU, then your problem is four-fold:you’re a Frat Boy, a Southern Boy, a Goober and a Player. Youare a drunkard eight days out of the week. You have awell-developed beer gut. You only date sorority girls. Yourfraternity is the end all, be all of your college career.

5. You are a Smart Dumbass.

You are booksmart, but you don’t have much common sense.Hence, you are a smart dumbass. Other synonyms are gomer andschmuck. You say the most random things that don’t make anysense, and yet you keep on talking. People only pretend to listento you when you talk. You make fun of everyone. You think beingobnoxious makes you cool. Downloaded porn is the closestyou’ll ever come to sex.

6. You are a Wanksta.

You said you’s a gangsta, but you neva pop nuttin’.You said you’s a wanksta, and you need to stopfrontin’. You go to the dealership, but you neva copnuttin’. You been hustlin’ a long time, and youain’t got nuttin’.

7. You are a BDJ (Big DumbJock).

Sports are all you know. The alphabet is questionable.

8. You are a Sketch Rebel.

You don’t let anyone know who you really are. It’sfine if you want to be an “International Man ofMystery” but you just come off as shady. You don’t tellanyone what you’ve done, what you’re doing or whatyou’re going to do. You’re always thinking but neverhave anything to say. You hide yourself from people. You are therebel. Frat guys and jocks are your sworn enemies.

9. You are a Girl.

Metrosexual is hardly the word. You work at Banana Republic,Kenneth Cole or some other clothing store. You have expensive namebrand everything. You don’t carry a normal backpack likeeveryone else — you have a man-purse. You like to dress up,and most of the time, you look prettier than your girlfriend. Youhave a hairstylist. You buy expensive hair products. You are morehigh maintenance than your girlfriend.

10. You are a Tool.

You are the ultimate Sears Craftsman tool. You call yourgirlfriend every night. You are always the one apologizing. Youapologize for no reason at all. You buy her flowers every time youhave an argument, celebrate an occasion, think you’ve donesomething wrong, think of her, miss her or feel she’s aboutto ditch you. You are the jealous type. You don’t like thatshe has guy friends. Your girlfriend wears the pants, the belt andthe boots in this relationship.

Okay, so these are all over-exaggerated traits. For everynegative, there is a positive, and those are the traits we shouldembrace.

Ann Truong is a senior math and engineering double major. Shemay be contacted at [email protected].