So you met the girl of your dreams. Your world revolves around her, she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe and you would do anything for her. But there’s only one thing: she wants you to meet her father.
Fellas, if you’ve ever been in or currently are in a serious relationship, there will come a time when your girlfriend/boyfriend forces you to meet their father. No one will be enthused. You will dread every second of it, and their father will feign every second being near you while your lover tries to ensure that ya’ll get along.
I pray that my daughter becomes a lesbian so I won’t have to be worried about the boys in her life.
Nevertheless, I’ve been in two serious relationships, as serious as a high school romance can be, and meeting dad never gets easier. You have to be sincere and loving, yet tough and protective. Your better half will constantly remind you that he will absolutely adore you, but me, you, your friends, and your dog know that won’t be the case.
First impressions are important and you only get one, so here are seven ways to make a great first impression with the man of the house.
Shake his hand
Studies show that a person decides the worth of another within four minutes of meeting them. The first thing you need to do is greet the father with a firm handshake. Don’t be too forceful or he’ll think you’ll be aggressive with his daughter/son, but don’t be too limp or he’ll think you’re a little b****.
Flirt with his wife
As the age-old adage goes: Happy wife, happy life. Win over the father’s heart by winning his wife’s. Tell her how young she looks, how beautiful she is, how she deserves better, how she deserves a real man, how she deserves to be with someone as awesome as you. Trust me, her face will flush with red, as will the father’s. Don’t confuse his face with anger because he’s actually just blushing. Also, playing footsie with the wife, holding her hand, and making out with her will help.
Bring home a stag
Nothing says, “He’s tough and will be able to provide for my daughter/son” like bringing home a stag. Venture into the forest and hunt for game as if the future of your relationship depends on it. Hunt, stuff, and drag the stag into the father’s home.
Stare at him
Lack of eye contact will show you’re week. Instead, stare at him. Just stare. Don’t blink, don’t look away, never stray your gaze. If he asks you why you’re leering at him, simply maintain your stare. If he asks you to stop staring, he’s really testing you to see how tough you are; don’t fall for his trap.
Kiss him
Show him you love your girlfriend/boyfriend by showing him some affection too. Pucker up and kiss him, and by doing so he’ll understand how caring and loving you can be.
Establish dominance
No father wants his daughter or son dating a wimp. Establish your dominance by proclaiming that you are now the man of the house. Usurp the father’s throne and if he tries to suppress your reign, fight him. Demonstrate your dominance and tough exterior by pinning him down and beating him up.
Making a good first impression is one of the most difficult things to do. Don’t make the same mistakes I did, instead follow these tips and learn from mine.
You are now ready.
