The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

Stacy answers your questions:

Timing a break up, getting past a bad first kiss and how to say ‘no’ in bed

Q: Dear Stacy,

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for six months now. I’m starting to get bored and want to break up with him. Every time I go to do it, I feel bad or something gets in the way. He has a wedding coming up in a few weeks that he asked me to go to with him. Would it be wrong to break up with him now, or should I wait until after the wedding?

– Ally

 

A: Dear Ally,

 

First ask yourself what you would want if the situation were reversed. Would you want someone to be honest with you or humor you for a few weeks? Secondly, are you well prepared? Do you know what you want to say? Are you ready for the wrath that may follow you and your words?

 

Breakups have never quite been a trip to the candy store. They’re more akin to jumping off of a bridge with the hopes of landing on your feet to start over. It’s a scary affair to undertake, but if you feel unhappy and believe you’re not receiving what you need, you have to make a choice. You’re obviously feeling apprehensive about the whole situation, which is normal. Don’t beat yourself up for the way you feel. Sometimes, relationships don’t work. So you start over and learn from your last one.

 

As for your soon to be ex-boyfriend, do what you think is the most fair and hope for the best. In these kinds of situations, there’s not much more you can do but that. Give him the same considerations and respect you would hope to get in return. Don’t worry about the wedding. He will find someone else to take and eventually get over this breakup. You two may even be friends after it all blows over.

 

Q: Dear Stacy,

 

I recently started dating this new guy. We had so much in common and could talk for hours. When we had our first date though, it ended weird. I was so excited for our first kiss, but it was horrible. It was like a wet dog mixed with an overeager lizard. Would it be mean for me to say something to him, or is it just a lost cause?

– Megan

 

A: Dear Megan,

 

Well, you know the old saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

 

Communication is always the best avenue to take. Luckily, you know he’s a nice guy if he hasn’t already attempted to put the moves on you or give you some lame line like, “I have a Ph.D.-a pretty huge-” So, maybe it is worth it for you to put a suggestion in his box.

 

It could be a refreshing bonding experience. You could coach him, and this way he would feel good about himself because he knows he’s pleasing you. Make sure you use constructive criticism instead of pointing the finger at him.

 

Try: “I think you’re so great at _____, and I really like when you _____ (insert directions here).” It’s always better to begin focusing on something positive that you like about the other person.

 

Q: Dear Stacy,

 

My girlfriend gets so upset and mad at me when I say I don’t want to have sex with her. Sometimes I’m just so tired or too drunk and don’t even want to try. I just want to go to sleep. How do I get her to stop taking it personally?

– Sean

 

A: Dear Sean,

 

It seems as though that awful phrase heard round the world would never actually ring true. I’m referring to the notorious “it’s not you, it’s me” line. Well, sometimes it’s really not about you at all. It really is the other person’s predicament.

 

But the issue becomes getting that exact message to sink into the other person’s mind.

 

In a tactful manner, try telling her how it makes you feel when she takes it personally. Maybe you two are on the wrong clocks. She may be a night person, while you would prefer the daytime. Figure out how to integrate your clocks together.

 

She probably feels unwanted or unattractive. Reassure her that it’s none of the above, and see if there is something else you two can do together that requires less effort.

 

Stacy Seebode writes a weekly love advice column. She can be e-mailed at [email protected]

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