Think before you wink
It has (unfortunately) come to my attention that there is aphenomenon sweeping across campus, and furthermore dangerously,accross America. Although this is not exactly a piece of clothingthat is a “do”, it has all the same qualities as a”don’t”; it has the potential of leading toembarrassment, assumptions about your lifestyle, and certainly isnot the most fashionable “accessory” to carry aroundwith you, just to name a few.
What, pray tell, could I be talking about?
It’s winking. I don’t know what it is, really. Imean, I know what winking is, I just don’t know what it isabout winking that does, and always has, given me theheebie-jeebies.
What’s that? You wink all the time? Oh honey, ya gottastop. And now.
Perhaps this was once an act of subtle flirtation orkindheartedness, but now has the connotation of a creepy guy withtoo much hair gel and big chops riding down his face. The (mis)useof the wink has lead many of us to a series of quick actions,beginning with a state of shock, followed by embarrassment, lookingaround in hopes the action was directed at someone else, and whenyou realize it wasn’t, an uncomfortable half laugh slash halfchuckle, occurs all in a matter of seconds.
I have been winked at before. Many times actually. One of mybest friends’ moms is somewhat of a chronic winker. But ithas never bothered me when she winks at me for some reason. Perhapsbecause of its female-to-female winking and she’s my bestfriend’s mom, I know she’s not trying to pick meup.
In fact, this whole fashion “don’t” came to mewhile at Knox Street Pub last Thursday night. It began innocentlyenough, I suppose. Two guys approached my two friends and me. I wasso distracted by the attire and actions of the man who approachedone of my friends and myself that I wasn’t paying attentionto anything he said. He was wearing a man-tunic with greenembroidered leafs on the inside collar and had brown/turquoisecowboy boots on, which he insisted on pulling up his jeans to showus.
But then he started dancing. Not gracefully, I might point out.He was stomping his cowboy boots to the beat of some early‘90s song while his drink sloshed over the rim of the glass.And then the winking began. Every time another song came on that he”loved!” tunic-man was a-winking.
Since I am obviously biased on the winking subject, I decided toperuse around campus in search of more answers.
“I like winking,” said Katie Littlefield, a juniorwho uses the wink daily. “I think it’s funny. I justalways have. If guys wink, it’s sketchy. If girls wink,it’s funny.”
Double standard in play, girls winking can be passed off ascute, whereas guys turn into Las Vegas-cheesy.
“For some reason, it’s just OK for girls to do [thewink],” said Adam Portacci, senior finance and Italianmajor.
According to Trevor Weichmann, junior EMIS major, there areexceptions to the double standard. “If you’re hands arefull and you’re on the phone and you see someone you’reclose with, it’s OK to do the wink-and-nod,” saidWeichmann. “Otherwise, never.”
Toby Atkins, junior advertising major, said that winking is”more of a mockery” and “alwaysexaggerated.” Atkins continues that he “wouldn’tthink anything of it if someone winked at [him].”
Split decisions aside, I have concluded that winking is acase-by-case circumstance of appropriation. Combining common senseand research, I have come up with some situations when the wink isappropriate and other times when you may get smacked across theface for doing the wink:
Never, and I mean never, pair the wink with the fake guns andthat little clicking sound with your mouth. Unless you are making acomplete mockery of the situation or it is somewhat of an insidejoke (don’t worry Allen, I’m not making fun of our”cool” moves), do not pull out the guns.
Don’t wink at a guy if he is with another girl and theyappear to be “together” (or vice versa, depending onthe gender you are attracted to).
There is no need for the double wink. No, not both eyes, whichwould be blinking. The double wink is when you wink more than onceat someone. Once is more than enough.
Winking is inappropriate and becomes a seedy gesture if done byany of the following: a landlord, cab driver, the uncle thatmarried into the family, a boss or your gynecologist.
The wink may be a commodity in your closet of accessories, butit certainly does not do justice for everyone. Be cautious whom yougive the wink to, because even the most skilled winkerscouldn’t show off their talent with a black eye. And the fakeguns cannot survive on their own.
