Ask Nell

Q: Dear Nell,

A: Dear Fallin’,

I think the reason you felt jealous when you saw him is because you are starting to develop feelings of attachment for him. Maybe he used to be just a late-night hook-up, but let’s face it: As a girl, there is only so much intimate time you can spend with a guy before you start to feel close to him. Don’t be alarmed by how you feel – it’s perfectly normal. Also, don’t be mad at him. He is following the guidelines you have set for the relationship. You have two choices: Continue to see him as a booty call and convince yourself that he is nothing more, or you can talk to him and tell him that you’ve started to like him as more. You face problems with both. If you keep him as a booty call you must, I repeat, must remember that his heart is not with you and that you cannot start to feel too much for him. It will only end up in heartbreak. If you do tell him you’ve started to fall for him, you might risk him being weirded out and stopping all contact with you. Make a choice: Are you strong enough to control how you feel? If not, either let him go or tell him. There could be the small chance that he feels the same way about you that you do about him …

A: Dear Fresh & Clean,

Okay, I have never gotten a question quite like this before. I don’t even know where to start, so here goes. I’m assuming that you’re not a walking cesspool (in which case I hope your girlfriend runs … fast). It’s surprising to me that your relationship works because two people who are on such opposite ends of cleanliness must argue all the time! It sounds like your girlfriend might either be obsessive compulsive or maybe just very anal retentive. She can’t expect you or anyone else to shower three times a day. You need to talk to your girlfriend and tell her you take care of yourself as you see fit (which is normal), but that she may be the one with the problem. If she doesn’t understand, it may be time for her to find her own Mr. Clean. There is no clear-cut solution to this problem because I don’t know you or your girlfriend, but I hope you get this all figured out with your germ-phobe.

A: Dear Frustrated,

The problem of “bed consciousness” is felt by many different types of people. Both girls and guys alike get very low self-confidence about themselves. To their lovers, this is just plain frustrating (and a turn-off) because they feel like they’re with an incessant complainer and who is always upset. This is a hard problem to fix and may take many ego-boosting events to make them proud of themselves. Encourage your boyfriend as much as you can and also give him the aura of the “bad ass”. Here it is: There are people who walk amongst us who are always cool and always confident, whether in class, out at a party or in bed with a lover. They have acquired the “bad-ass aura.” People who have this are very confident people who simply don’t care what others think of them: they know what they’re worth and that they can’t be compromised. Fear and low confidence on a person can be sensed like a bottle of cheap “Designer Impostors” perfume. If someone thinks they are ugly, pudgy, too scrawny, etc., other people most likely will too. I know people who are not perfect by any means, but are seen by everyone as someone as the hottest, coolest, funniest people around. Tell your boyfriend that since he won’t listen to you he will have to work on being a “bad-ass” himself. Help him feel good about himself, but realize that it’s ultimately how he makes himself feel, not what others think. You may have a confident bed-mate faster than you think …