The vaginas are coming

If you weren’t aware that vaginas can talk, dance, sing and dress themselves, prepare to be re-educated. Welcome to the world of the vagina. Some of you might have seen it coming. For others, the shock must be considerable. The overthrow of penis power arrives with both relief and anxiety for those involved (i.e. everyone).

As a singular voice in the vagina movement, allow me to familiarize the unversed with some of the tenets of the vulva-lution.

First and foremost, the rise of the vaginal force means an end to violence against women and girls everywhere. No more rape, no more wife-beating, no more back-alley muggings, no more objectification, domination, subordination or subjugation.

Somewhere along the careening path of human history, we women got handed the short end of the dick. Centuries of oppression of all kinds followed, and it’s only been relatively recently that we’ve begun the turnaround. As vaginas, we don’t seek to blame anyone (including men, women, monkeys, Freud) for this epic misfortune that has plagued humanity for eons. Progress means addressing the problem and kicking it in the right direction.

Thus, in the spirit of progress, we celebrate the vagina as a place of warmth, health, life, beauty and power. It’s a symbol of rejuvenation and rebirth. Our world has become impoverished and unbalanced. We need the things vaginas can give us.

Currently, a woman named Eve Ensler is probably the world’s leading vagina advocate. In fact, one might say that she single-handedly began the vagina uprising with her play The Vagina Monologues. She observed that the vagina was a dark, dreadful, misunderstood place of secrecy and shame for women and men alike, and that this was downright unhealthy. Let’s bring the vagina out of hiding, she said, let’s give it the respect it deserves.

The Vagina Monologues are a collection of stories inspired by interviews with women from around the world about their vaginas. What do vaginas smell like? If they could talk, what would they say? Women talk about finding their vaginas, about loving their vaginas, about giving birth and about healing.

In the five years since its inception, Eve’s V-Day movement (of which the Vagina Monologues are an integral part) has reached millions around the world and has raised millions of dollars for organizations that work to end violence against women.

As much as it brings the realities of violence into people’s minds, it also creates a positive vision of a world where things are better for women and for everyone-where vaginas and penises coexist peacefully as allies instead of adversaries.

As Eve states in her vagina manifesto, “In order for the human race to continue, women must be safe and empowered. It’s an obvious idea, but like a vagina, it needs great attention and love in order to be revealed.”

Rest assured, the vaginas are coming.

Indeed, they’ve found their way here to our quiet little Texas university. They’re taking over. This Friday night, Valentines day, reclaimed as V-Day, women will be proudly screaming “cunt!” and “clitoris!” from the heart of University Park before a flabbergasted audience.

It’s important to note that vagina revolt in no way implies antagonism between men and women, or between anyone else for that matter. In fact, that’s exactly what we’re trying to dispel. Men need to understand vaginas, and to understand women. Women need to understand men. We need to talk to each other and we need to listen. How much do you really know about vaginas?

Nor does it attempt to reduce people to mere genitalia. The argument behind demystifying the vagina is that in doing so, we remove the blindfold that makes oppression possible. Anything not open for discussion and evaluation is doomed to be abused, neglected and disliked. Vaginas are a large part of all of our lives in a very real sense.

Once you’ve taken a good, long, honest look at the miracle of the vagina, you can’t help but be humbled with awe.

Learning to accept the vagina is one step forward on the perilous road toward a brighter future. Discovering its power is like finding something you never knew was lost and watching it transform your whole life into the life you always knew it could be. Vaginas are limitless potential. Vaginas are a force to be revered. Vaginas are here, and they’re not going anywhere.