Why you can’t take your eyes off the TV

Buried beneath the rubble of news shows, sitcoms, and crime dramas are the true gems of the television: reality dating shows. Networks are now competing for a way to indulge their salivating audiences with such shows. Some call them classless and petty, but I say watching “love” and relationships play out under a spotlight is a brilliant idea that should have been thought up long ago. These shows provide an hour of social drama equivalent to putting competitors’ naked yearnings for notoriety into a petri dish and watching it grow.

The Food Network is even planning a dating show where dates are picked by the taste of their prepared dishes. So she may not be nice, but she makes a mean enchilada and that’s good enough for me. Honestly?

Late-night TV is full of such ridiculous dating shows. Some are better than others, but all involve someone taking off his or her shirt, a hot tub or swimming pool, and a trip to a bar. You can count on that.

“Blind Date” was the first low-budget dating show I saw. There’s no extensive formula for this show, just a blind date plus cameras. It never really offers any over-the-top antics. The show’s premise is built around a hit or miss with the date. Unfortunately, the show missed with me completely.

Next, comes “elimiDATE.” Out of all the lesser dating shows, “elimiDATE” is my favorite. A guy or girl gets to “elimidate” five potential dates one by one. Or the dates can blaze their own trail and “elimidate” themselves screaming and bleeping the whole way. Well, if you’re gonna go out, you might as well go out on your own terms.

Soon after “elimiDATE” came the “The 5th Wheel”. This show is basically a double version of “Blind Date” where half-way through a “5th wheel” is thrown in to disrupt the bonds between the contestants that have started to form. Or he or she is a lifesaver if bonds have been made and broken, which is usually the case. “The 5th Wheel” is so boring I sometimes wish that they would run all the contestants over with an 18-wheeler. Now that I would watch.

The first dating show to have an impact on network television was “The Bachelor.” One guy got to choose between lots of women to pick his potential wife. Thankfully, the show did not end with a marriage. That would have been too over the top. The second installment of “The Bachelor” offered more backrubs, trips to the hot tub and tears than the first. Now, it’s a woman’s turn in “The Bachelorette.” The producers brought back the runner-up from the first show. I’m not exactly sure how this series is going to play out. For some reason, I don’t think as many tears will be shed. Who knows?

Over the summer NBC introduced us to “Meet My Folks” which was obviously inspired by the movie Meet the Parents. In this show the parents get to pick their son’s or daughter’s new romance. I wouldn’t exactly want my parents picking out my dates, but I suppose I just like my independence. Apparently, NBC will bring back “Meet My Folks” sometime in the near future although the ratings will probably stay mediocre.

“Joe Millionaire” is the ultimate study in human behavior when $50 million is involved. Although “Joe Millionaire” is only a six-week-long show it’s sure to generate plenty of intense moments we’re all longing for. Joe is a spark of a guy surrounded by a powder keg of 25, then 12, now 5 women. In the end he’ll have to break the news to the woman that he chooses that he makes the minute amount of $19,000 a year. That is of course, only if the audience is not the one being duped, and Joe really does have a substantial amount of money.

So what is the value of such shows? Absolutely nothing. That’s why they are so great. We, the viewers, get to sneak a peek into others’ lives and tell ourselves that we’re better than the idiots on these shows. Such shows shouldn’t be analyzed for their social value. These shows are strictly for entertainment value. Every bleep, tear, and kiss mean absolutely nothing to the audience. Sure we pick someone to root for, and we dog whomever we don’t like, but when the shows are over we carry on. “Joe Millionaire,” “The Bachelorette”, and the hordes of people on the other shows get their 15 minutes of fame and the audience gets weeks of entertaining television. So grab your bleeping remote and tune in.