Back-to-class haikus
In honor of the new semester, I’ve written some haikus to get you into a “back-to-class” mood:
We all love robots
Read super fast in bookstore
Johnny 5, alive!
That’s right, Short Circuit 2 was on HBO 2 last night – this must be a sign that this semester will be great. If you haven’t seen this movie, I seriously question your childhood. They need to make more movies about giant robots that foil jewel heists, read books in three seconds and help their creators score with women. I still get weepy eyed when Johnny 5 becomes a citizen at the end – it gets me every time.
On my ass was I
Run over by wild student
Why always hurry?
What is everyone’s rush? I swear I was run into by at least three people on campus in the span of about 30 minutes. People are walking around here like they just shoplifted some baseball cards or are being chased by someone with a shotgun. Slow down!
The Dallas Hall clown
Where on earth did he come from?
Seen him? Punch him please
It took no more than my first three minutes on campus to see something that made me raise my eyebrow. As I walked into Dallas Hall for my first class of the semester, I saw some dude in a trench coat, smoking a Sherlock Holmes pipe. I swear to God, this guy was just standing there smoking this pipe. I wonder if he was dusting for prints or just got done interviewing a witness. I urge you, the loyal Daily Campus reader, to point and laugh and maybe throw the occasional half eaten bagel at this clown when you see him.
Alf and Piazza
Do they make you call collect?
No! Bad idea
It is long overdue for me to address the sudden slew of spare celebrities on TV, especially these collect call commercials. As if it wasn’t bad enough that we have Ving Rhames, Terry Bradshaw and Toby Keith polluting the airwaves, someone actually thought it would be a good idea to bring Alf back to star in commercials with Mike Piazza and Hulk Hogan. I think that once you do a collect call commercial, you pretty much admit that your career is over and you have absolutely no dignity left. Be on the look out for Master P to team up with Alf in the near future.
Whoa! Drink Specials. Whoa!
The Turkey is the locale
Whoa! I love cheap beer
I have found my new favorite place in the entire world, The Wild Turkey, located at Walnut Hill and I-35, right by my new house. It has all day $1.25 beers and $2.50 appetizers after 10 p.m. and during football. Doesn’t sound good enough? Well, to top that off they have Centipede, the original arcade game. That’s right – Centipede, with the actual roller ball control. I fear that I will waste many dollars and much time at my new home away from home.
So Bright in my class
Must sport Ray Bans to take notes
Sarcastic, I am
This is just not for people in class, but to everyone who wears their sunglasses while indoors. I don’t know why it angers me, but to see someone in the frozen food section at a grocery store buying bagel bites with their sunglasses on enrages me.
Imagination
My tank running on empty
Out of ideas
Cut me some slack, this is my first column of the semester. The Mess Around promises to bring you the same quality work it has in the past. Welcome back everybody, and everyone root against the Titans this weekend.
