The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

SMU professor Susanne Scholz in the West Bank in 2018.
SMU professor to return to campus after being trapped in Gaza for 12 years
Sara Hummadi, Video Editor • May 18, 2024
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From the wrong

Ruminations of college life
 From the wrong
From the wrong

From the wrong

Yes, folks. I have a new title this week. I needed something asridiculous as the off-beat tangents onto which I venture. I’mnot coming from the right, the left or somewhere in between.I’m so far off that I’m not even on the spectrum.

Accessories, penny stocks and shaft cards — I don’thave a single column topic with any redeeming value. I thought itwas about time I tackled some more serious, more political issues.So here we go. Here are my views on some of the current issues inthe news — Ann Truong style and all in under a minute.

Presidential Elections 2004: Maybe it’s about timewe elected a new president. Like Chris Rock said, “You knowsomething’s wrong with the universe when our nation’sthree most powerful men are named Bush, Dick and Colin.”

Gay marriage: Hey, whatever floats your boat, robs yourcradle; whatever rings your doorbell or rocks your roll.

The Passion of Christ: I saw it over Spring Break. MyBook of Bible Stories and Sunday school never told the story likethat. Suggestion: don’t get popcorn when you see themovie.

The Job Market: I’m just trying to get through mylast three semesters of college. I won’t worry about it untilI graduate. Then I’ll panic.

The Pledge of Allegiance: I went to an Episcopalianschool, where we had to attend chapel every single day, andthey’re complaining about having to say “UnderGod” every morning?

WMD: If a weapon of mass destruction is buried somewherein the desert, and no one is around to find it, does it reallyexist?

The War in Iraq: Vietnam, helloooo?

President George Dubya Bush: (Laughs) That’s tooeasy. We’ll move on.

Abortion: I’m still trying to figure out themechanics of sex. Once I get that straightened out, then I’llworry about other things.

Finding Saddam Hussein: I think finding Nemo was morerewarding.

Martha Stewart: C’mon, Martha. I would’vethought you could create some cute, colorful and clever way withpapier-mâché to cover it up.

Tyco: I never liked any of their toys. Legos — nowthose are quality toys. Don’t mess with Lego. They’llsend an army of Lego men after you.

Kobe Bryant: I’m not a rapist. I just cheat alot.

John Kerry: Can he, Kerry the Democrat, torch past theBushes and all the way to the White House? I’m sorry. Thatwas a bad one.

Okay, I think I’ve just about covered them all. Anymorethan that, and I would’ve clocked in at two minutes.That’s just way too much time to devote to important issues.I’ll go back to discussing stock options next week.

 

Ann Truong is a columnist for The Daily Campus. She may bereached at [email protected].

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