‘Variety Hour’ proves fame does not mean personality
As a staple of television variety shows, impersonations haveallowed an actor the opportunity to channel the quirks and tics ofhis subject and interpret them through his own personality.
But in an odd attempt to twist genres, the stars of ABC’s”The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour,” ‘90s teenidols Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, do a lot of impersonatingand end up proving that … well … they don’thave enough personality between them to do much interpreting. Butthat doesn’t stop them from trying.
Lachey, with his bland good looks, does his best to lookattractive stumbling in and out of several models of 20th centurymanhood. He grimaces like Bogie while playing a P.I. He swaggerslike the Duke while playing a cowboy. Methinks, someone is tryingto prove who wears the pants in this relationship.
Simpson simpers around impersonating her favorite musicalartists. She dons the high-neck, exposed chest look to do DollyParton while singing “Islands in the Stream” with KennyRogers.
She ducks her head in and out and warbles her voice with what Ibelieve is supposed to be “sass” while singing”Who Will Save Your Soul?” with Jewel — animpersonation that makes Jewel, bad teeth and all, look veryattractive by comparison.
Together, Lachey and Simpson impersonate pop stars. He’sgot the hunky male heartthrob’sbeat-the-chest-and-kiss-the-fingers move down. She’s got thediva’s slightly-extended-middle-finger hand wave under wraps.And they both have the standard generic voice of Top 40 radio.
They’re not afraid to get others in on the act either.Poor Mr. T proves that even washed up ‘80s televisionpersonalities have to eat. He takes a break from gettingsecond-billing to Carrot Top in the 1-800-CALL-ATT commercials tostop by for impressions of Simpson. We should pity the fool.
And even the audience gets into the spirit by impersonating alaugh track. Complete with overzealous laughter at thecouple’s hijinks and “Saved-By-The-Bell” oohs andaaahs when Simpson makes dramatic entrances.
(Unfortunately, one shot of the audience during such a dramaticresponse managed to slip through the editors’ grasp. Judgingfrom their faces, I think there were more zzzzzz’s being madethan anything else.)
But the worst impersonations Lachey and Simpson attempt are ofthemselves. In a particularly odd moment, that was more reminiscentof modern Spanish television than anything from the ‘70s,Simpson’s dancing to Donna Summers’ “She WorksHard for the Money” is spliced with scenes of her crackingcorny jokes and just being stupid.
Self-parody works for some, I suppose, but convince me that shedoesn’t just look pathetic.
The ABC’s execs seem to have opted for a visualimpersonation of the variety shows of yore including “TheSonny and Cher Comedy Hour” and “The Donnie and MarieShow.” We’re supposed to get this by Simpson’sfeathered hair and her straight out of Saturday Night Feverwardrobe.
But what the execs seem to have forgotten is that those showswere horrible in their own way and comedic impressions should atleast have some fun at its subject’s expense.
Instead, the couple plows on in groan-worthy skit after skitwith complete earnestness. Between them, they don’t seemsmart enough to understand the ironic separation between self andsubject in the art of impersonation. They throw themselves intoevery impression like pitiable children endlessly seeking theapproval of their peers.
You know you’ve got problems when guest stars Miss Piggyand Kermit the Frog seem more believable than your flesh-and-bloodco-hosts.
They’re just bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.
Breaking out into “I’ve Got You Babe” in theprogram’s finale, they made it very apparent thatthey’re no Sonny and Cher. Hell, they’re not even asecond-rate Donnie and Marie Osmond.
In the end, he’s just a little bit lunky, and she’sa little bit blond bimbo.
