It’s the night of a formal for SMU sorority Kappa Alpha Theta and that means one thing: a full blown, no cutting-the-corners date-or so 10 girls think. They forfeited some traditional date protocol and made the affair very simple for the guys: Girls invited them and even paid for dinner.
In a Rosedale Street apartment before the formal, the sorority sisters, with blow-dried hair and smoky eyes, decked out in black dresses, chat with boys, some wearing sports coats, others in shorts. The girls treated their invited dates to champagne and a pasta feast from the Italian restaurant, Buca di Beppo. The night was promising.
Unfortunately, the majority of the couples never made it to the party. By 1 a.m., one-third of the guys are too drunk to function, half of the couples don’t attend the formal and instead go to their dates’ fraternity party at a nearby bar, and one girl gets ditched by her date without even a goodbye.
“He organized a different party, so I figured he had better things to do,” said Abby Mahoney, Kappa Alpha Theta president.
Rewind 60 years to the Ohio Wesleyan University campus in Delaware, Ohio. Jean Spangler, 77, lived in a suburb of Cleveland, so her fiance hitchhiked 130 miles to take Spangler to dinner and out dancing every Saturday night. During the week, they wrote letters to each other every day.
“Within the first year, we knew we wanted to get married,” said Spangler.
Where has the romance gone? According to a report from the Institute for American Values in 2000, only 50 percent of female college seniors have been on at least six dinner dates during their four years at school. Yet 95 percent of Americans age 18-24 have had premarital sex, causing an increase in sexually transmitted diseases.
Dr. Nancy Merrill, co-medical director and part time physician at the SMU Health Center, said 70 percent of college students contract human papillomavirus, which is the most diagnosed STD on campus. The high-risk strand of HPV can cause cervical cancer and the low risk strand causes genital warts in males and females.
“HPV is unbelievably common because often there are no visible symptoms,” said Merrill.
Males frequently don’t recognize symptoms of herpes, the second most common STD at SMU, so they unknowingly spread it to their sexual partners. Outer-course, involving oral sex and rubbing, along with intercourse, can spread both viruses despite the use of condoms, Merrill said.
College campuses haven’t always been a breeding ground for STDs. Growing up, Spangler, who now lives in Dallas, did not know anyone who had sex before marriage. She and her friends could only date people their families knew and had a 12 a.m. curfew, even after they were engaged.
Just 30 years ago at Texas Christian University in Forth Worth, dating and sexual trends differed radically from today, said 50-year-old Janis Smith, a TCU alumna and Plano resident. Couples had sex more openly, but only two girls in Smith’s sorority freely talked about it.
Why have today’s college students forgotten courtship and instead rely on the infamous hook up? Couples rarely go on formal dates, and if they do, it doesn’t matter who pays. More often, people meet up at bars in herds and might have sex later, once the bars close.
Smith said technology has made dating too casual. In the 1970s, guys called girls no later than Wednesday to set up dinner or invite girls to parties for the weekend. The lack of cell phones and text messaging forced people to plan ahead and make more commitments.
“It’s too easy for guys now. They can get away with being lazy,” said Smith.
Smith’s daughter, Kelly, a junior finance major at SMU, said guys usually call or text message her around 9 p.m. or 10 p.m. to meet up later that night.
“It’s a lack of respect. By then they have been drinking, which leads to more casual hook ups,” she said.
Merrill said alcohol has greatly influenced sexual behavior on campus. She said she has seen less promiscuity in the last three to five years because students know more about STDs and contraception. However, alcohol brings down barriers, which can lead to unprotected sex. Yet, Merrill only tests roughly 13 percent of females on campus for STDs and an even smaller portion of the male population. Male students usually come only if they have an obvious symptom Merrill said.
Co-ed dorms have also changed the dynamics between males and females. Both Spangler and Smith experienced separate-sex dorms. SMU introduced the first co-ed dorm in 1974. Now, every residence hall is co-ed by wing, floor or suite, which Smith said makes it easier to avoid commitment because guys and girls are constantly together.
Junior finance and Spanish major, Connor Arras, met his first serious girlfriend his freshman year while living in Perkins Hall. They first hung out with a group of students from their floor. Dorm life made it easy. They were already together most of the time, so he didn’t need to call. They only went to dinner a couple of times in their nine-month relationship. Once they moved out of the dorms, their relationship ended.
Women may not come to college to find husbands, but the Institute for American Values report found that 63 percent of the women interviewed said they would like to meet their husband at college.
Arras said he and his friends aren’t opposed to relationships, but they aren’t seeking them either. Although two of his friends are in serious relationships, many just hook up and have casual sex, he said.
Traditionally, men sought future spouses in college along with women. Spangler said nearly every member of her fiance’s fraternity was engaged or married by his senior year in 1949.
During the ’70s at TCU, nearly one-fourth of Smith’s friends were in serious relationships, and guys started thinking about settling down their junior or senior year, she said.
However, Kelly Smith said the average guy today isn’t open to having a girlfriend or thinking long term. Smith hung out with someone off and on for one year, but he refused to define their relationship and never took her on one date.
“Twice he freaked out about relationships and would peace out,” said Smith.
This trend is lingering after college. Adam Denton, 30, graduated from SMU in 2000 and now works for Maverick Mortgage in Dallas. Since graduating, he has dated three girls and taken them to nice restaurants, but he has no desire to marry.
“My relationships ended because girls wanted me to settle down or get off the bus. I like my time and space and don’t want to be coaxed into boring dinners when I’d rather be sitting at the bar with my buddies,” said Denton.
Perhaps Spangler’s days of double date picnics are done, but the college hook up culture hasn’t taught students how to handle relationships. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Current Population survey, the average man married for the first time at 25.3 years in 1970 and today marries at age 27.1. The average marrying age for women rose from 20.8 to 25.3.
Spangler said she lived in an era where men liked relationships and dating.
Kelly Smith still has hope that people will mature and dating won’t die at SMU.
“I just wish guys would respect relationships and what they could lead to.”
