Reviling the Ribman

Comic strips are one the few pleasures that modern life allows us. The others are best left to discussion in those advice columns which occasionally appear on page 2 of this paper.

There’s a reason that The Dallas Morning News crams three pages worth of comics into its paper every day – it gives us a diversion from the stories of pointless murder and mayhem that take up the other 200. Everybody’s got a favorite, whether it be the angsty, vaguely irritating “Cathy” or a bone fide classic like “Bloom County,” the best comic strip ever created.

Believe it or not, “Bloom County” used to appear in this paper. It’s true. Many eons ago (the mid ’80s), The Daily Campus ran that comic on the commentary page, along with “Doonesbury,” which “Bloom County” was a blatant rip-off of. Since then we’ve had many talented student cartoonists contribute to The Daily Campus – Daniel Price, Ceci Dubon, current editorial cartoonist Reagan Noll and Matt Wahlquist, creator of “Tartar Sauce,” just to name some off the top of my head.

But those syndicated cartoons that we sometimes have to pull in when we have nothing else to run in that spot on the back page – they’re not very good, are they?

When a former editor-in-chief comments, “That’s terrible – put that in,” you know that you’re getting into trouble.

The first syndicated cartoon that we ran was “Gongfarmer,” which our wire service eventually cancelled due to the fact that nobody was reading it. It was so memorable, in fact, that I’m having trouble recalling any of the strips that we ran. I’ll have to consult our archives …

Okay, here one featuring a homeless man with a shopping cart and a sign on it reading, “driver carries no cash.” I also found another one featured a homeowner who has dug up his lawn and placed a “yard sale” sign on it. I actually had to ask someone to explain that particular cartoon to me. I think my displeasure with “Gongfarmer” is well justified.

Another comic strip, “Lewis,” is slightly better in that it has the distinction of not being “Gongfarmer.” Featuring artwork that ranks slightly above “amateurish,” Lewis is about a huge, effeminate rat. This comic actually used the “Hi, I’m Lewis, and I’ll be your customer today” cliche as a punchline and tried to pass it off as original.

However, I have never heard so many complaints about a comic strip as I have about “Captain Ribman.” The complaints are well-justified – we ran one comic, featuring Captain Ribman converting his body fat into chip dip, four times, causing vitriolic spasms among students reading The Daily Campus during breakfast. Another strip – “How tall are you, Captain Ribman?” “I am 6’8″, 6’4″ with heels, 6’5″ without.” – makes so little sense as to be physically damaging to one’s sense of humor. How dare this travesty of syndication market itself as “the #1 comic strip in college newspapers” on its Web site?

There is a comic strip called “Sluggy Freelance” (www.sluggy.com). Read it. It is a masterpiece of humor. Do not, under any circumstances, read one of the strips on the back page of this newspaper unless it has the words “Tarter Sauce” over it, or you are fond of pain. And to Tribune Media Services – get some better cartoonists; with all the money we’re giving you, you should be able to afford it!