The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

SMU professor Susanne Scholz in the West Bank in 2018.
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The Ann Code

 The Ann Code
The Ann Code

The Ann Code

I was recently introduced to The Man Code, which is, as the name implies, a code of conduct for men. One of the many, many rules reads a little something like this: “The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.”

Well that explains why guys never wait for me.

Upon reading this, I sat down and decided to come up with my own code of conduct – The Ann Code.

1. If at a club or bar, you observe a friend being approached by some Etch-a-Sketch looking guy, you are required to go over there and save her by any means necessary. By any means necessary means BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Downright meanness is acceptable.

2. To keep your friend from having to do the infamous Walk of Shame, it is your sworn duty to pick her up no matter how far or how late it may be.

3. It is okay to hold your friend’s hand when you’re at a party, trying to make your way through crowds of people, but by no means shall your fingers interlock. You love your friend, but not that much.

4. Once a guy becomes an ex, you are required to stare him down with dirty looks every time you see him. This rule applies to your exes, your friends’ exes, your sisters’ exes, your mother’s hairstylist’s exes and all other members of your close female network.

5. There will be no dating of a friend’s ex. When the relationship has ended, he is automatically scum, and you do not associate with scum.

6. At any given moment, you are not to wear more than one article of Burberry plaid. Any more than that and you are automatically deemed a Materialistic Rich Girl according to Cousin Davy.

7. If asked by a friend, “Is he hot?” you are to tell the God-given truth. There will be no beating around the bush with, “Well, he’s really, really nice.” That would be the equivalent of, “Well, he’s not good looking, but he makes up for it with a good personality,” and personality alone just won’t do.

8. If a friend makes the unintelligible decision to dance topless on the bar after she has had too much to drink, you are to make one attempt to stop her. If she responds with a “Leave me alone, it’s my life,” you are no longer responsible. You are, however, still responsible for her belongings. At which point, you must take hold of her cell phone, her keys and shoes as proof that you are a good friend.

9. When you deem a guy “just a friend,” it’s officially over. There is no looking back, no turning back. There’s a reason you said he was “just a friend” in the first place. He exemplifies all the qualities of an older brother, and when that happens, there is no further consideration.

10. If a guy takes the traditional approach of asking you out on a date, you must accept this kind gesture, so long as he is not like a tree on sunny day- shady. Give guys who are bold enough to ask you out a fair chance, so as to avoid being that bitch who is too good or too picky.

11. At the end of a first date, a simple hug will do. No more, no less. No less meaning no high fives, no handshakes and certainly no punches. No more meaning no drunken make-out extravaganzas and no risk of reproduction.

12. The 2nd date Principle: Believe in second chances. First impressions aren’t the end all, be all. If the first date goes badly, and the guy asks you out on a second date, you should accept. However, if after the second date, you still don’t get the vibe, then you can proceed to classify him as “just a friend.”

13. Friends share all sorts of accessories and apparel: scarves, shoes, belts, purses. But there is one accessory that friends do not share- boyfriends.

14. There is nothing you should say about a friend that you haven’t already said to them personally. Otherwise, it is called talking behind their back. If you decide you want to call someone a two-bit whore, you should say it to their face first. Then you’re allowed to say it to others.

15. Always leave with the people you came with, and always make sure that no soldier is left behind.

16. The one-arm side hug is for the close of bad dates, those you loathe but remain civil to and exes on good terms. Two-arm front hugs are for good friends and family. Full body hugs are for cute guys.

17. Exes on bad terms don’t get hugs. They get the finger.

18. Allow guys to open doors for you, but never expect a guy to open the door for you. Open your own doors (and this applies in more ways than one). Once you come to expect something, it no longer carries as much value. If you ever stand in front of a door, waiting for a guy to open it for you, be aware that he has every right to walk past you, crack the door open enough to barely slide through, and then immediately shut it behind him. He may opt to knock over your books in the process as well.

Live by the code. Die by the code. Modify in between if needed. There are a million others, but these cover the day-to-day college basics.

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