Baseball, basketball come under attack

Allow myself to introduce myself: I now have the ability to write something, and there are no more college sports to write about, which leaves The Red Zone with pro baseball’s triumphant return, the end of the basketball regular season and hockey’s playoffs beginning (whoops!).

Here, some random thoughts that have crept into my mind…let’s see if they all make it past the editor:

First of all, what are the Rangers doing? They say they are building for the future so they don’t spend any money on free agent pitching. That makes sense, as the market was so overpriced this summer, but Dumb and Dumber (John Hart and Tom Hicks) leave outfielder Lance Nix, catcher Gerald Laird and reliever Ricardo Rodriguez off the opening day roster. These are all young players that started at times last year and need to be playing in the big leagues everyday if they are supposed get better for the big playoff push in the so-called future. Makes about as much sense as starting Pedro Astacio, oh my fault, the Rangers are doing that too.

Andruw Jones will be the National League MVP. The Braves outfielder has won six gold gloves and is generally considered the best defensive outfielder in the last two decades, and he did all this while being at least 25 pounds overweight. This season he has dropped the spare tire around his waist and has regained the bat speed he had as a teenage phenom. Does it surprise anyone that this is a contract year for young Andruw? Seriously, I just want one contract year in my life. I would start spitting out a column a day, watching every sporting event that comes on TV, sleeping in class to be able to do it all over again just so after I sign my big deal I could pull a Erick Dampier and be hurt all the time and go back to being an average (at best) writer again.

At what point of the next Yankees-Red Sox game in Boston do the Fenway Faithful start the “Who’s your daddy?” chant towards Mariano Rivera? I say during the pre-game exercises, but they might wait until he is in the bullpen warming up.

Next, has anybody seen Ludicrous and Donyell Marshall in the same place? If so, let me know because I swear that was Luda on SportsCenter the other night making 10 threes in a game.

The NBA playoffs will definitely be without one of the Red Zone’s favorite players, as Jalen Rose and the Toronto Raptors will select in the lottery for yet another season. The Original Fab Five member and black sock trend originator (he bought a pair of black dress socks at Macy’s across the street from the team hotel while he was at Michigan, and Nike began producing them the day after he wore them on national TV) is one of the most clutch players in the league today, though he just usually is worthless for the first three quarters of the game. Quite frankly, Ben Gordon is stealing his career but Rose still had one of the great playoffs in recent memory as he averaged 25 points a game for the Pacers as they made it to the Finals before losing to Shaq and Kobe’s Lakers. But beyond all that, Rose is a Red Zone favorite because of comments like this:

 “Like I told the guys earlier, once he turns 21 and is able to drink, it’s over.”  - Jalen Rose after LeBron James scored 56 on the Raptors

 “He probably was a little tired from All-Star weekend. While he was running up and down the court throwing it off the backboard, I was laying on the beach drinking a fruity drink with an umbrella. So I probably gave myself an unfair advantage on that one.” – Jalen Rose explaining why he outplayed Vince Carter two days after the All-Star Game

“There’s always going to be criticism when your name is Jalen. You have to wear a bulletproof vest and be ready for it.” – Jalen Rose

If I were the San Antonio Spurs, I would do everything that I could not to play the Nuggets in the first round of the playoffs. Right now, that is who the West’s second seed is slotted to meet, and that leaves them with a Nuggets team that is 26-6 (not a type-o) since George Karl took over. The Spurs would prefer the Nuggets to remain hot and pass the Rockets allowing a much more favorable first round match-up against an up and down Rockets team or the Spurs could start tanking games so the Sonics pass them.

Yes, there is uncanny resemblance that I have with Mike Gansey of the West Virginia basketball team. When my own parents are feeling the need to say a guy looks like me, plays like me,and even has the same mannerisms as me, it’s just a little creepy. I was half expecting the next words out of their mouths to be, “we had been meaning to tell you earlier, but there never was a good time… you’re adopted.”

One has to wonder what Kobe Bryant is thinking right now. The Red Zone thinks it’s something like this: I used to be the king of this city and have three championship rings. Now I get booed at home games and I had to buy my wife a 4 million dollar ring. Shaq, I’m sorry…HELP!