This is not an article about the legal issues dealing with the rights of homosexual men and women or the traditions of America. This is merely a note in response to a much debated topic, to remind anyone who feels angry, sad and alone in this debate—anyone who feels rejected, hurt or abandoned by society, God, his peers, or his country, that some people may accept that anger and understand the use of generalized terms such as “bigot” and “homophobe” because we all know how deep sadness can change us.

But know also that those terms will do no good.  Angry rants, no matter how relieving they may feel, will not move a cause any further.  Passive resistance and words infused only with love and charity despite awful circumstance are the only way to change the world for the better.  

It seems impossible, but I think approaching the impossible, showing up despite bleak odds, is something we must do everyday and can often be the only worthwhile thing to do.  Faulkner said something beautiful in this vein, regarding his meaning behind “The Sound and the Fury,” “that man will prevail, will endure because he is capable of compassion and honor and pride and endurance.”

When you allude to those who oppose you as having perverted a beautiful religion to reflect their own fears and insecurities, understand that no one will listen to you.  We sometimes absolutely cannot see the logic, truth, or meaning in others’ arguments, and when we do, it’s often only one shard of stained glass at a time.  These things occur over time and we all have come to such a presumptuous place, demanding everything of everyone and forgiving nothing.  That is the true perversion of religion, as that is the first and foremost thing we are called to do in almost every one: love unreservedly and forgive, forgive, forgive with humility and an open heart.

In regards to the bullying and horrific deaths at hand, please understand that the cliché “two wrongs don’t make a right” exists for a reason.

If we want to change society to accept and love, we must show acceptance and love.  We must start revolutions and move mountains, but through charity, love, and infinite compassion for the lonely and lost.  

Of course there is overwhelming anger about that injustice, and there exists the most profound sadness. But please, please do not fall into the dark patterns of the few (yes, few, despite how much attention they may get) who promote hate, and do not confuse those few with the many that, for entirely different reasons and without any hate, politically debate the legality of certain aspects of homosexuality.

Hate will never triumph.  

And while that pain and despair at the loss of children, teenagers and peers can course through us, we can only strive to promote peace, love, beauty and goodness.  

Demand what we believe to be rights from the government, yes (and tirelessly!), but do not condemn the people that oppose us and patronize or degrade their beliefs.  

As a fellow human being, I urge you to mourn and rage, but then move forward into the dark night, taking that infinite capacity for love that allows you to be so upset and bring it to those with whom you disagree—with compassion and honor and pride and endurance.  

Know that you are not alone.  It will get better.

Rhaea D’Aliesio Campbell can be contacted for comments or questions at [email protected].