I want to thank Frannie Lupo for bringing up the very poignant notion that monogamous relationships are becoming exceedingly rare in the college setting.

Though I do not entirely agree with the causes to the phenomenon Lupo observes, she raises an issue that our generation must address. I will mention some of my concerns with Lupo’s opinion and then hopefully raise some solutions to the problems that we face as part of the “hook-up generation.”

First, it is important to note that it is not peer pressure amongst males that leads to the degradation of dating or relationships, but the way in which we raise men today. In fact, it is inaccurate to say that we raise men; instead we raise boys in men’s bodies.

As children, what is good is what feels good and brings good consequences. What is bad is what feels bad and brings bad consequences.

We learn early on that sticking a metal object in the electrical outlet is bad because it shocks us. It isn’t that there is something intrinsically reprehensible about shocking oneself; it just isn’t healthy. And that’s the extent to which men feel about relationships or hook ups, just in the opposite direction. It feels good, it fulfills some base human need, and therefore, it is good.

So I would agree with Lupo: this generation of males has lost a sense of chivalry (for the most part) but it is not peer pressure. It is the way in which men were raised that impacts their chivalrous (or not so chivalrous) habits with women. In addition the culture in which we live glorifies the perpetual degradation of women to level of objects through music, movies and the combination of other pop-cultural tools. Not only is it an acceptable practice to use women to fulfill some need, but it is glorified.

I, like Lupo have heard the complaints about male students from female peers numerous times. What they often fail to acknowledge is that in holding men to a higher standard than they are currently, they will risk getting hurt much less.

While Lupo advocates for healthy, monogamous relationships, she herself allows that she “would be fine with a guy wanting to date other people.” This is exactly the kind of standard that needs to be done away with. There is a double standard of want versus practice, where there are certain desires for qualities in a male partner that are not actually pursued to their ends.

Either people are incapable of recognizing their own mixed-up standards for men, or they do want polygamous relationships. Those relationships are acceptable in the college setting if they are so chosen, but with all of the complaints I hear about that, I am reluctant to believe that they are chosen often.

If a guy wants to engage in this sort of “hook-up” culture, then women need to recognize that. If they are at all apprehensive about that prospect, then that should stand as a clear “red flag” of which the girl must take note. Mommy and Daddy are no longer around to judge whether or not a boy is worthy of their daughter’s attention so it is up to the girl to dictate her own standards for men. Sadly, those standards are generally lacking.

Women can demand what they want from men but they hardly demand anything at all. Instead they have allowed their values to descend to the levels that they are currently at, without any sign of raising them anytime soon. And it has been allowed to become like this, where men won’t open doors for women, where they won’t pay for dinner, where they won’t do X, because X takes too much effort and is not required by women.

Instead of encouraging men to treat women like sex objects, women should openly acknowledge that how they portray themselves, how they act, what they wear and where they are has an impact on the male perception of them. There are no grounds for complaining about male treatment of females if women will not acknowledge that they are part of the problem and are certainly capable of a solution.

Our men are lazy and the standards of women seem to be heading for the bottom. We do not engender men with values of chivalry, and we do not raise women with enough self-respect. If we did, however, there would be less ill-treatment of the opposite sex. I hope that we can all acknowledge the problems our generation faces and work tirelessly to right the wrongs.

Michael Dearman is a first year majoring in the pursuit of truth and the overthrow of systems. He can be reached for comments at [email protected].