The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus

The Independent Voice of Southern Methodist University Since 1915

The Daily Campus


The John Paul Green Project:

Come on, SMU! Take your foot off that long, skinny pedal

This past weekend, I decided to go back home to Houston. My best friend had a show running that I really wanted to see. That wasn’t the only reason I decided to go home. I hadn’t had Luby’s in a while, and I can’t find any around here.

So after packing up, I got on the road around noon. I had an awesome playlist that would take care of the entire trip. I work very hard on my iPod playlists. They’re pretty important.

As I was on the outskirts of Rice, Texas, I noticed on the other side of I-45 that a younger kid around my age had been pulled over by a State Trooper. I always find this stuff amusing because, well, it’s not me.

I drove past him with a little chuckle. After all, he was stupid enough to get caught doing something worthy of being pulled over (speeding, I assumed). What about that isn’t comical? I had my music playing and was the last car in a series of five or so, who were all in the left lane going well over the speed limit. Everything was going great; that is, until the song ended.

As the next track started, I heard a sound that I had been “graced” with hearing only once before. That sound, fellow followers of the John Paul Green Project, was a cop siren. I had been signaled to surrender control of my vehicle and exit the freeway as soon and as I safely could.

What I proceeded to say cannot be put into print. Those words would get me fired as a columnist. I cannot write those words here. Just guess what those words are.

So, I exited the freeway, drove over the bridge that was above the freeway and pulled into a small gas station. I put the car in park. My heartbeat picked up. I looked like a hot mess. I knew I wouldn’t be able to win him over with my good looks.

He approaches my car. “Any reason why you were going so fast back there?”

Me: “Uh…not really. Just trying to get home.”

Police: “Oh yeah? Where’s home?”

Me: “Houston. Texas.”

Police: “I know where Houston is. Why are you up in Dallas?”

Me: “For college.”

Police: “Oh yeah? What school?”

Me: “Southern Methodist University.”

Police: “No way. You’re the fifth person I’ve pulled over today that goes to SMU.”

I felt so let down by our school. Come on people; bring the foot up off the pedal.

He continued. “What are you studying up there? Law?”

I came to a crossroad in the conversation. I could correct him and tell him I was studying theater. Or I could lie and tell him I studied something else.

Me: “Theology”, I said. “You know, thinking about things….religion…”

Police: ” I know what Theology is.”

Me: “OK…Sorry.”

Police: “Stay here.”

He walked back to his car. Maybe he’s going to let me go, I thought. He was smiling a lot, so I figured I was maybe off the hook. After 10 minutes or so, he walked back.

“OK, I got you going 80 in a 65 so I’m going to get ya for that. It was also a work zone with workers present…bummer. I’m going to give you a warning for not yielding immediately. There was no reason to pull over to this gas station. No reason okay? I was ready to engage in pursuit. Now, the next 20 miles are lined with troopers so don’t get another ticket. You kids need to slow down! Have a good one.”

He walked away feeling great for having belittled me. I drove off and followed the speed limit the rest of the way with a speeding ticket in tow.

Did I mention that the song I was listening to right when I got pulled over was “Instant Karma” by John Lennon?

Karma Schmarma.

John Paul Green is a freshman theater major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].

More to Discover