Dear Diary,

I apologize for not writing in you all week, but I have been very busy! In just the last week, I’ve had to find time for a friend’s wedding, a baby shower, my pregnant wife and the icing on the cake – no Fall Break.

I guess in the big picture my wife hasn’t been all that bad, but it’s really frustrating when she denies my true potential. For example, we were at a wedding last weekend for a mutual friend who was nice enough to provide an open bar. A few hours into the wedding (and the open bar), I was absolutely positive that I could have any woman in the room, especially after my rendition of Soulja Boy’s “Crank Dat” dance! Now, don’t get the wrong idea about me, I would never actually pursue one of these women, but I was positive that they were all checking me out and it was nice to know that I hadn’t lost my game. As I slid off the dance floor and began to gloat about all the ladies with their eyes on me, my wonderful, pregnant wife proceeded to tell me that not only were they not checking me out, but that I had “Cranked Dat” during the couple’s first dance. I wish I remembered more about the situation because my wife could have made up the whole thing (I’m pretty sure she’s just jealous), but she may be right because I was tackled and escorted to my vehicle pretty early in the evening.

The hardest part about dealing with a hormone-crazed wife is the mood swings! One minute she’s ‘in the mood’ and the next she’s crying and asking me why I am “forcing her to do something she just doesn’t want to do.” I still don’t understand it. She’s the one who lit the candles and threw rose petals all over the bed, so was I crazy to think that I might be getting some? And, Diary, can you also tell me why I ended up on the road at midnight to get 10 chicken nuggets, an egg roll and a jar of sliced dill pickles? Honestly, it was either I get the food or spend my entire night listening to a pregnant woman cry about how I don’t love her, I am unappreciative of the fact that she’s having my child or my personal favorite – I just hate her.

I do realize the only way to keep the expectant monster happy is to distract her with showers that include cake and presents. My mother threw us our first baby shower last week, and I must say it was great. We got a lot of stuff that we really needed for the baby and it was fun getting to see everyone. Well, everyone except my hunchback aunt with a hook for a hand. She showed up with a huge present that she struggled to get in the door; so of course I had to give her a hand. Uh, thank you.

Weddings, insane wives and baby showers keep life stressful enough, so why when I needed it most did we not get a Fall Break?! What happened to those few glorious days of sleeping late and avoiding my textbooks and projects? After midterms, I always need those days to recover and to break up the feeling that school will never end. The assignments just keep rolling in and everything seems to be due the same week. And this unending semester isn’t just taking its toll on me; I’ve also noticed it having effects on the teachers. They all seem to be pretty cranky, and trust me when I tell you that anytime a teacher punches a hole in the wall, it is not a good sign. Who do I need to call to have a little chat about these days just falling off the academic calendar? I understand we’re getting two extra days during the week of Thanksgiving, but that’s the homestretch of the semester when I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I need my days back in October when everything is still grim and depressing!

There is just never enough time. The days fly by faster and faster until one day you look up and you’re a 24-year-old student with a wife and a baby on the way. Maybe I need to slow down and find time to enjoy the little things – even the privilege to attend school. Well, I better wrap up, I’m off to pick up an Enchirito and some shrimp scampi.

Good night, Diary.

About the writer:

Matt Villanueva is junior advertising major. He can be reached at [email protected]