Overcome phobias before committing to serious relationship (Photo by Ben Briscoe, The Daily Campus)
Phobias. . . or shall I say, Faux-bias. Whether you’re fresh on the dating scene or a connoisseur of sorts, at one point in time, you had a dating phobia. It may be painful to recall, or maybe you still suffer from one, but one thing is for sure: They’re man made.
Think in terms of volume. Men befriend their local GNC stores in hopes of pumping up their muscles and other things below their belts. Women, on the other hand, buy gel-inflated and padded bras so that we too can increase our volume.
Why do we do this? For years, women have been deluded into thinking that breast size fuels a man’s main attraction. Magazines like “FHM,” “Maxim” and “Playboy” feature women with breasts well over a 32C cup. How are women ever supposed to live up to such an unrealistic standard?
And that’s the point. It is unreal. If the heart was in a boxing match against the boobs, the heart would win hands down. (Two against one is an unfair fight though.)
That’s right ladies, men value your personality and heart over your breasts. Sure, boobs are a nice accessory to own, but they’re not the only reason a man is dating you. You’re still attractive even without your Very Sexy Victoria’s Secret bra.
And men, that goes for you too. Celebrities like the Rock, Mark Wahlberg, Brad Pitt and Tyrese all set an impractical standard with their muscle mass. Yes, girls are attracted to a man that takes care of his body, but not in terms of muscle shakes and veil-popping biceps.
We’re okay with you going to McDonald’s for a late night snack. Many girls find a little flab over the belt cute and cuddly. So don’t worry about whether or not you’re ripped, because you’re not being judged solely on your guns. And remember that things fade with age. . . .
Another common faux-bia is commitment. It’s easy to hook-up with someone and never call them again, but your reputation will eventually precede you. So why is it so hard to make a small commitment to something as simple as saying, “Yeah, we’re dating?”
What is it that we’re all afraid of? My mother once told me that it’s a good idea to date around so you can figure out what it is that you may want in a future spouse.
Well, when do we cut off the dating spell? After 10 unstable relationships? After three good long-term ones? And it comes down to this: People are constantly changing. What you wanted a year ago may not be what you want today.
So let’s say you decide you’re ready to make the big leap into a relationship. What you fear most is not yourself, but the other person. You understand that you will probably be fond of your partner for a while, but will his/her feelings last as long as yours? And if they don’t, you’re back at square one again, feeling insecure and putting on your Very Sexy bra or visiting GNC and adding another tally mark to your totals.
What is there to motivate you to try commitment? Know this: The same doubts and fears you may be having are probably shared by your partner.
Isn’t it better to give it a try and maybe gain a new friend than continue having emotionless hookups and gaining a reputation as a skeezy pimp/hoe? People will change, but you just might be that person in the relationship to change first and not the other way around.
Whatever the faux-bia may be, a majority of the time it is simply in your head. It’s your mind’s way of screwing you into preventing yourself from falling in love “no holds barred.”
Try overcoming a small phobia first, such as eating in front of a guy or dancing with a girl, before you tackle the big picture ones like commitment.
And you’re not the only one. We all have or have had them. I’m not quite sure that you ever successfully overcome them all, but at least you can give it a shot.
