Q: Dear Stacy,
How long do you wait in a relationship to have sex? – Steve
A: Dear Steve,
As mundane as it sounds, wait until you and your partner are ready. Sex can complicate everything, especially when couples exchange keys, put labels on their relationship and discuss past flames. Sex should be about love and true intimacy, especially for your first time together. If you feel that your girlfriend isn’t ready and maybe you are, give it time (no, not 24 hours or a week). She needs time-time to think over whether or not it’s going to be worth it for her to share something so special with you. Your girlfriend may have had a terrible experience in the past concerning intimacy and needs time to work through her issues. Maybe she really does want to wait until she gets married, and in that case, if you respect her, you should respect her request. Try discussing the reasons why you particularly are pushing for sex, other than “baby, you’re so hot, and I’m so horny.” Also, consider the context of the word you used: relationship. It is nowhere near the equivalent of “hookup,” “one night stand,” “a good lay,” “roll in the hay,” “piece of arse” and so on. Remember to treat it as one if you care about her.
Every situation is different; DO NOT listen to friends who are pressuring you. Listen to yourself and your partner. Many times, relationships escalate into the physical part and end as disastrously as they began. Both people look back and think, “Oh geez, I don’t even know who he/she is! I don’t even know what religion he/she is! What a mistake!” If you allow yourself to wait for her, the experience will be even more meaningful for both of you and bring you closer. She probably won’t be looking at you as a mistake, either. In the meantime, explore other options that she IS ready to try.
Q: Dear Stacy,
Do guys find it attractive when girls ask them out? – Jessica
A: Dear Jessica,
Anything that can relieve the pressure from a guy’s shoulders is a plus. Imagine him staring across the room at you and thinking, “What do I say to her? Um-hi I’m Bob. I like your sweater set. You have nice feet, too.” How awkward! Sadly, some guys have no game and would be thrilled to hear you speak up first. Even if the guy isn’t interested in you, he still takes it as a compliment for his ego. Think about that really nerdy guy in high school that said you had a pretty smile. Initially, your reaction included, “Ick! He likes me!” But it’s still nice to know that you have a pretty smile.
On the flip side, men can smell desperation like a shark can smell blood. If you come on too strongly, such as speaking in a high-pitched voice with super-speedy chatter or insanely blinking your eyes while simultaneously tossing your hair, you might lose him. If you’ve already asked once, end it there. Asking more than once screams desperation. It’s not just the incredibly loud music; he really didn’t want to hear your offer. Just move on and take one for the team.
Remember, the fact that you had the courage to approach him is very sexy and can be a huge advantage, but only if you’re calm and sensible about your delivery.
Q: Dear Stacy,
Why is it that after a breakup, guys ignore girls even though they claim that they still want to be friends? – Kirsten
A: Dear Kirsten,
Breakups are tough for both players. There are a couple of possibilities here. Relationships tend to boost self-esteem. His confidence may be shattered temporarily, so when he sees you he feels embarrassed and is reminded that the relationship didn’t work out. He’s avoiding you in order to retain his dignity. To him, the defensive side seems better than the emotional one, especially in public. What would you do if he said hello to you in front of your mutual friends, and he began to wail like a 12-year-old girl? You might feel embarrassed and bad for him, and you might do something you’ll wish you hadn’t, like take him back. Give him time. He’ll come around when he’s recovered his entire ego. After a while, if he can’t muster up enough guts to simply say hello and talk about the weather or something else painless, then he’s a big baby. It’s his loss and not yours.
Another alternative is he’s afraid that if other girls see him talking to you, they’ll think you guys are still dating. Basically, to him, you’re killing his game. In that case, he’s insecure and needs to grow up. You can rest assured knowing you got the upper hand on that one.
