I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately listening to MGMT, John Lennon and CocoRosie. I’ve also made an endeavor to find old classmates from elementary and middle school. Is that creepy? I don’t think so, but whatever.

I added an old buddy of mine the other day and did quite a bit of catching up. We’ll call him “Sebastian.” Sebastian did a lot of funny things, like running in front of me and then falling down. He did it on purpose of course, but there was just something satisfying about watching him fall.

Pass judgment on me if you must, but I cannot stop laughing when I see someone fall down. I know how bad of a person that makes me seem, but think about their facial expression at the exact moment they realize they are going to fall into a soft pile of steaming mud that has just hit the cold winter ground.

One time, I was watching my friend play Dorothy in a production of The Wizard of Oz. It was a small little theater located on the outskirts of Houston. I had scored first row tickets on opening night, and I was pumped. The house manager did her speech about cell phones and other gadgets and the lights started to fade as she walked off. Suddenly, a woman came bolting from the entrance and tried and grab the seat next to me, before the show started.

What ended up happening was a sight that I will never forget. It seriously happened in slow motion. I felt like I was watching ESPN.

She must have lost her footing because this woman completely ate the yellow brick road. I could not stop laughing. It was so embarrassing for me because I can usually control that stuff. There must have been some kind of touch device installed because as her face was planted onto one of the bricks, it lit up bright yellow. It was basically mocking her and using her as an example for late arrivals. The yellow brick road was practically shouting, “This is what happens when you try to sit down after the doors from the lobby have been shut.”

Now, I’m not a doctor or anything, but the fall wasn’t that bad. I mean, it was epic in the sense that her face morphed into this mass of “oh-no-this-is-going-to-be-so-embarrassing.” If you don’t know what kind of face this is, just ask around to track me down and I’ll do the face for you. She actually looked like she was faking. She was, after all, on a stage. And whenever someone gets on a stage something takes over their body and they begin to perform.

Well, the lights come up and there is Sir Falls-a-Lot. Pardon me, Dame Falls-a-Lot. I automatically recognize there’s a problem because she keeps saying, “Ow!” Again, not a doctor, but this doesn’t sound good. The actors on stage stop and look at each other. Improv! Come on, people!

Finally after about 12 minutes, she stands to her feet and waves at us. Then the entire audience minus me starts clapping for her. This isn’t a football game people. She’s not walking off the field; she’s walking to the lobby. Then people start looking at me because I am not clapping. I get this look a lot in other situations. It usually occurs when I speak in my classes.

The show restarts and they put on a fantastic production. I go up to my friend afterwards and tell her how awesome she did. I then start to tell her about this massive pwnage that happened at the start of the show. I describe it in step-by-step detail, not missing one beat. My friend starts to look upset. I don’t really notice and just keep going.

Turns out that was her aunt. And she was taken to the hospital. I felt like a terrible person.

But the yellow brick road was so awesome when it lit up her face.

John Paul Green is a freshman theater major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].