We’re in college, correct? Hypothetically, there aren’t too many prepubescent tweens swarming to these critiques with bright eyes and advanced vocabularies. The latest Jonas Brothers album or “High School Musical” soundtrack holds very little breadth on a campus crawling with young dignitaries and imminent business magnates, right?

With that said, please explain how a trendy-looking advanced copy of “Metro Station,” a forceless tween-pop crock, slyly seeped through the vast web of promotional veins, cunningly crept into The Daily Campus’ entertainment desk and, unfortunately, wound up in all-too-curious hands? Curses, the conspicuous anomaly of big business (MTVU) has reared its ugly, humdrum head once again.

For those unacquainted with Metro Station’s teen-pop, pseudo-electro tonality and emo haircuts, I lend you a covetous grin, for you are lucky. Hailing from the overkill capital of the country, Hollywood, Calif., Metro Station’s sound is driven by an innate, Pacific-coastal need to overshoot and eventually cripple, or kill, music trends with excessive glitz.

This pandemic force swept the ’80s with the emergence of L.A. glam-bands like Ratt and Motley Crue. The disease continued through the ’90s with highly-dysfunctional California punk. And, alas, the crushing wave of California groove-killers manifests itself in the form of Metro Station, an over-glamorized imitation of the already over-touted Long Beach outfit, Hello-Goodbye.

Thematically, Metro Station’s whole premise is unoriginal and erroneous, relying solely on one overarching, techno-driven pulse for 10 songs and 30 grueling minutes.

For those reasons, navigating this album is a task. Each song’s construction consists of a brief verse and a repetitive chorus with the same fundamental electronic tone coupled with sweeping chimes that are nothing more than a guaranteed headache.

“Seventeen Forever,” the first drone, is debatably the best song on the album since you’ve yet to experience the monotony of the remaining 27 minutes. Moreover, the song’s (really, all the songs’) striking similarity to Hello-Goodbye’s “Here In Your Arms,” a quirky electro-pop deviation justified only by the band’s previous successes, forces a mere subconscious connection and maybe, if you’re lucky, a head bob.

“Metro Station” is joyous and playful, and appropriate only for those still experimenting with makeup or trying on their first jockstrap.

Next time, MTVU, conduct your demographic survey with a bit more diligence and try sending us something we won’t immediately hand down to our baby sisters.

Metro Station and MTVU, thanks, but no thanks.