Yo Yo Ma, the famous Chinese cellist: That’s one guy you won’t find on DirtyDtown with his pants dropped. And that’s not because his friends know better than to upload a picture of Yo Yo freakin Ma with his pants down for the world to see. It’s not because Yo Yo Ma keeps his MySpace private either.
There are no pictures of Yo-Yo Ma urinating on the ground while drunk because Yo Yo Ma has self-respect and utmost decency.
To all the whiny little princes and princesses with their collective panties in a bunch over dirtydtown.com, shut up. Listening to this is like being married to a self-resplendent harpy call woe unto herself for the malicious gossip being spread by friends.
To you poor people, we offer many condolences.
I think it’s even better that sororities are sending out warning messages to their friends not to associate with Ashley West and whoever that other hot chick who friended me is (and I accepted, even though she didn’t message me back). I can almost picture the showdown in cyberspace: Three thousand united little profile pictures of various girls milling about at the Godzilla-size pictures of Ashley West.
I am lucky because not only is the picture of me totally lame, but I’m also guaranteed half a bottle of Cristal at the launch party. D-town d-bags represent.
But it’s not like DirtyDtown hurt anyone or their feelings. It’s not like any internships have been sacrificed. In fact, you should be lucky that they didn’t include your names.
Just think, next time you Google your own name (something I do compulsively), instead of that high school picture of you dashing over a hurdle, it’s panties over blue jeans with a lampshade on your head.
SMU football, once again, had a winless weekend. You know, even when the team loses they make front page on Tuesday. Mustangs lose? That’s not news. Tell us when they win.
Just once this year, lets have a front page of nothing but the fountain glowing red. Now that would be a great billboard ad: the big red fountain. SMU will need to get one of them first.
Until the boys in armor pick up the slack, let’s turn the fountain red for other athletes.
Let’s turn it red for Samuel Weyand, the SMU junior who placed ninth overall in the United States in cycling, paying his own way out to California to beat schools like MIT, Army, Georgetown, UCLA and a bunch of others our other teams are simply too afraid to play.
How about we just make it red when Meadows performs “Swan Lake?” Lets celebrate other moments that are as pivotal as a football win.
The fountain will turn red whenever a whole day goes by where no parking tickets are given out or boots are deployed.
SMU rugby is particularily strong this year. Previous seasons have seen a continuous turnover of forwards, whereas this years team contains almost the same pack the whole game.
John Burns as hooker provides a steady presence during contact, and Fletcher Kirwan’s physical dominance provides for unusual play action during the game.
The movement of second row Brent Walter to flanker adds for additional scrum power, that will only increase once Kevin Freel becomes a steady on-field presence.
Walter meshes well with junior Raffi Mesrobian. Touch line plays, dubbed “banger” because of the likelihood of having to break through two or three defenders, and gain incredible strength when Mesrobian’s size can cooperate with Walter’s wild kodiak bear presence on the field.
The effect of second-row Matthew Sever’s return to practice remains to be seen. How he works with newcomer Clay “Sunshine” Zelbst is also a mystery, but I’m sure they will bond.
The disappearance of Christian Carrerre from the number eight spot is also an unfortunate occurance, but at least now SMU can go a game without his constant fighting and arguing with referees.
The South Africans do that too. If Guy Thorpe was as good as his mouth is, he’d be playing for the New Zealand All Blacks. Teamed up with his little South African brother, Nickky, and fellow South African “Oak” Kyle Walsh.
Even the newcomers are starting to develop. Earning nicknames such as “Mad Max,” the new players made the last game from OU much better than the scoreboard would have you believe.
The next game is against Sam Houston State. Down in the Woodlands, SMU shall engage head to head with the boys from Hunstville to see, as always, who is the best. Last year an inexperienced SMU team lost to SHS by a single try.
This year, the SMU team has all the forward strength it needs. Tight scrums have organized since the Arkansas State masascre, and now even larger teams like OU must struggle to win their own put-ins. The disaster, of course, is the line outs. With the same line out style for six years running, the only mystery to the calls has been, “Why haven’t they changed yet?’
Coach Isaiah “Jihad” Washington and John Gallows’ work on the back line provided intitially shaky results. Against TCU, the passes were disorganized and desperate, but recent practices have shown a much smoother and predatory movement upfield. This may be due to the presence of just way too many dragonflies over the fields during practice. How the forwards react to their new coach after only one week of practice is another X-factor that is sure to make tomorrow’s “Battle of the Brazos” an adrenaline pumped power trip. This one is sure to go down in the record books as “pretty close to how the Bills game went.”
Questions? Comments? Austin Rucker is a senior English major and can be reached for comment at
