The scorching Dallas heat this summer may have left the discerning tongues of the SMU scene parched and thirsting for a theme party, however there is still plenty to do and see in the Big D besides visiting the Texas Schoolbook Depository.

Known most famously for making Christina Aguilera’s video so damn “Dirrty” that it had to be spelled with two R’s, celebrity photographer David LaChapelle’s work will be exhibited through August 20th at the Goss Gallery. After cleaning up, LaChapelle has photographed everyone from Ali G to Hillary Clinton, showing that not all of his work involves bottom-bearing chaps, and may be something worth seeing.

However, if the fine art of LaChapelle seems too pretentiously hip, head on down to the race track in Grand Prairie for some live thoroughbred racing, now through July 17th. And if you’re looking for a place where the drinks (and the probably the women) are sure to be cheap, the Mesquite Championship Rodeo just may be the perfect antidote to the classiness-overkill of the Park Cities.

While cheap beer and hog-tying cattle may just be the finest entertainment this side of the Mississippi, there’s absolutely no excuse for missing Eminem’s booty shaking puppets (along with 50 Cent and Lil’ Jon and the Eastside Boyz) at the Smirnoff Music Center on July 28th. Also playing the Smirnoff on August 6th are country legends Brooks and Dunn.

Only adding to the honky-tonk goodness of Brooks and Dunn and darkening things up a bit at the Smirnoff Center on August 25th is Ozzfest 2005, featuring Black Sabbath, Mudvayne, Rob Zombie and the Velvet Revolver.

Now if that doesn’t sound like your idea of summertime fun, take a break from the common crowd and head to posh Uptown lounges (lounges, not clubs) like Candle Room, Medici and Sense. The cover charge might be huge, but the good-looking people and the leather couches will be sure to make up for it. (More likely the leather couches.)

For an “alternative” spice to your nightlife soufflé, Boho-style bar, Minc, is located downtown, packed with more flair than an Olsen twin’s wrist.

More mainstream recreational activity comes in the form of the hometown Texas Rangers. And when they aren’t beating up cameramen, the Rangers will be playing host to the New York Yankees, the Oakland A’s and the Toronto Blue Jays all in July at Ameriquest Field in Arlington.

The newly named Major League Soccer team, FC Dallas (formerly the Dallas Burn), will be doing more than adding toppings to the town of Frisco when Pizza Hut Park opens on August 6th. (They’re going to be playing soccer games, in case you were wondering). Pizza Hut Park will be the first large-scale soccer stadium of its kind in the U.S.

Rivaling Ozzfest ’05 for the baddest boys of summer is “Shakefest 2005”! Better known as the Shakespeare Festival of Dallas, Willie and the boys will be reciting famous poetry and prose while (with all hope) wearing tights and ruffled shirts. So tune up your lyre and sharpen your quill, because Shakefest ’05 will only last until July 23rd.

While you may actually be stuck in Dallas all summer, feel free to at least feel like you’re somewhere exotic for the summer, like Japan, by dining at new Japanese restaurant Nobu, opening soon in the Crescent Court Hotel. Nobu’s famous cuisine is already wildly popular in cities like New York, Las Vegas, Malibu and Miami. So at best you might feel like you’re visiting there, if you can’t mentally transport yourself all the way to Japan.

Other events to catch this summer in Dallas, are Jack Johnson and The Killers on August 3rd and 20th, respectively, at Nokia Theatre, and Green Day and Jimmy Eat World together on August 20th at the American Airlines Center.

“A Comedy of Errors”, shown above, is just one of many
entertainment options availible around the metroplex this
summer.