We have all been entranced by this phenomenon known as “MySpace”. The draw of it can be quite addicting, especially when you’re half-asleep in a lecture and the Internet on your laptop is just calling your name. While it seems harmless that most of you can’t get near a computer without checking to see if someone has commented on your latest profile picture of you shirtless in the mirror, I am here to tell you that MySpace has ruined us socially and mentally.
About a month ago, a friend of mine organized a gathering of our old high school theater class so we could catch up. Many of us had not seen each other in over five years. After the initial hugs and exchanging of inside jokes, we fell silent. Even though over the last five years many of these people had graduated from college, married, found their dream jobs and started families, there was no catching up to be done. Thanks to MySpace, we had all surfed one another’s page to see what major life changes, or in our case, nose changes, had occurred. There was no need for the obligatory, “So, what have you been up to?” question. All pertinent information about their lives could easily be found in their “About me” section, often being updated at least twice daily. Plus, I don’t even have to call to see what mood a person is in! It’s posted right on the page : “Jessica is a CrAzY gurlie! Current mood: adventurous.” MySpace has destroyed our ability to socialize in person, and it made for an awkward beginning to our little party. We quickly avoided the uncomfortable situation by stuffing our faces with food as we made small talk about the hostess’ lovely backyard and the different types of pizza we had to choose from. It made for truly riveting conversation. Later, we played a board game together and I noticed that the discussions rarely strayed from talk of the game. When it was all said and done, I left realizing that though I had spent an entire evening with these people, I knew nothing more about them than when I’d arrived earlier in the evening.
MySpace users also need to realize that posting a bulletin every time you have a thought is annoying. Congress should intervene on my behalf because I should never be subjected to a posting with the subject “Lunchtime for Lindzee,” only to open it and see this:
“Today was a splendiferous day. I only had three French fries and an orange all day! I am sooo getting ready for beach season cuz Brad and me is going to Florida!!! Ok. I am super super BoReD, so CALL ME!”
NO ONE CARES! And, NO, your parents did not put a “z” and a double “e” on your birth certificate, so please spell it correctly. Just curious, when did it become cool to disregard years of spelling and grammar training, especially when these posts are going out to your closest friends? Just clarify for me: Do you want your friends to think you’re stupid?
Also, we do not need to see a self-satisfying survey where you spill your guts about nothing anyone wants to know. But, if you deem it absolutely necessary to complete a survey four times a week, at least answer the questions! Here’s what I mean:
22. Do you have a crush on someone? Maybe 😉
23. If so, what is your crush’s name? Wouldn’t you like to know?
25. What are you listening to right now? Music!
If you think the world needs to know more about you and you have extra hours to fill out meaningless surveys, why not just answer the questions?!
MySpace has created a monster that feeds on misspelled words, banal content and people who like to take their own profile pictures by holding a camera above their heads so we can clearly see their cleavage. But NOT ME! It will not take advantage of me any longer. No more will I be part of this brainwashing juggernaut, that makes you believe that by moving me out of your top friends, you are hurting my feelings.
And THAT my friends, is why I have a Facebook account.
(But seriously, if you read this weekly column, friend me at myspace.com/mattvee).
Matt Villanueva is junior advertising major. He can be reached at [email protected]
