My birthday is this week, and I have started to wonder what that even means anymore. Once you turn 16, life is great because you get a driver’s license and the freedom to leave your house whenever you like.

At 17, you no longer have to sneak into rated-R movies and the 18th birthday brings the ability to buy cigarettes and more importantly, porn. Birthdays for 19 and 20 both build up to the day you can buy alcohol, but after that, then what? Is it all downhill from 21? I mean, it’s not really that big of a deal that in a few years I’ll be able to rent a car, so what do I have to look forward to? I will turn 24 only to reinforce the fact that my life is almost a quarter spent.

So, since I am almost dead, I figured that a birthday bash is clearly in order! Therefore, I have decided to invite all of you to my party and to save on postage, I have attached a picture of the invitation:

I hope you can all make it to the party! And just in case you are wondering what I want for my birthday, I have also included my wish list.

Birthday list:

1. Socks

2. The revocation of the 19th Amendment

3. Yosemite Sam mud flaps

4. “Yentl” on VHS

5. Do-it-yourself embalming kit

I gave this same list to my mom and she said she would cover the socks, so anything else on the list would be appreciated!

I have also come to the realization that since I am getting older, my wife is also aging rapidly. She’ll be 24 this year, so maybe I could trade her in for two 12 year olds? No, I am only kidding. She would kill me if I got only two 12 year olds for her; she’s thrifty like that.

I’ve always heard the old saying, “You’re only as old as you feel,” but I think that is a bunch of crap. Sometimes I feel about 120 years old when that alarm clock goes off and I struggle to climb out of bed to get to class. I bet whoever made up that saying never had four Jagerbombs and eight shots of tequila before trying to get up for an 8 a.m. psychology class.

I hope to see you all at my party this weekend, and remember, gift cards will not be accepted because of a lack of thought on your part. And please don’t worry too much about me because I am not really that concerned with getting older. I just keep in mind that Abraham Lincoln had it right when he said, “It’s not the years in your life that count, but the life in your years.”

About the writer:

Matt Villanueva is junior advertising major. He can be reached at [email protected]