Guy Talk

I want to take this time to welcome the class of 2007 to the campus of SMU. I received my first glimpse of the incoming class at a little event the French like to call Mustang Corral. Let’s just say that working as a camp coordinator (fancy title for janitor) was kind of like being in charge of regulating the temperature in an incubator on a farm; so many hot little chicks and no clearance from the boss to turn up the heat.

I don’t know who we have working over in admissions but I would like to volunteer my extra kidney if anyone over there ever needs it. I’m also going to start a fund that will allow for each admissions employee to work here indefinitely. If you would like to make a donation just go to www.ThanksForLettingInAllOfTheSmokinHotFirstYears.com.

For those of you that didn’t attend the festivities what you missed was nothing short of greatness. The only thing that might compare in excitement is if you have a friend that can burp the alphabet.

Now, a short little recap of what you missed. The class of 2007 was split into three groups. Each group attended their own camp. I worked at the premier camp called Glen Lakes. There were two other camps but I don’t remember their names. Kind of like the Chipmunks. There are three of them but the most important one is Alvin and he is the only one you remember.

The three day trip forced everyone to throw away stereotypes, bias and reputations. Students saw students in a realistic sense. I’m not talking realistic like Pam Anderson’s upper-half, Michael Jackson’s nose or Marv Albert’s hair. I’m talking realistic like starting fresh and new beginnings. At camp you are only as cool as the person sitting next to you. Unless you are sitting next to the 420 lbs. kid from Mongolia that doesn’t shower and has the personality of a seeing-eye dog, then you might be a little cooler.

I think TK, one of the camp leaders said it best, “I’m gonna teach it to you, Guy’s gonna put it on, then we all are gonna get CRUNK in here.”

Glen Lakes had everything a person could ask for. Minus, good food, comfortable beds, quality drinking water and an unlimited supply of Skittles. Luckily I don’t know a single person at this university that is *high maintenance, so we managed.

EDITOR’S NOTE — (*) this asterisk means large amount of sarcasm intended for use directly before statement is to be read.

The weekend had everything from a male student in a skirt and bikini top, to Officer Norris in a purple wig. I don’t think I have to tell you who enjoyed their role the most. The Tug-O-War game during the Olympics was more like Tug-A-Small piece of thread until your hands blister and bleed. A kid in the talent show rolled his eyes and made snake noises. Which begs to ask the question, why even bother with college? We spent a couple of hours swimming at the water park. Some students had the courage to ride the water slide others floated the river.

I would like to apologize to some of the female students that got wet while floating the Lazy River. The key word being river, which has water in it. Water was a wet substance last time I checked. Getting wet in a river, that’s an outrage. That would almost be like burning your hand if you stuck it in a bonfire.

However, because the student leaders are here to help the incoming youngsters I spoke with the Glen Lakes staff about the issue. Next year they will fill the Lazy River to the top with sand and drain the water. The tubes will be thrown away and there will be camels supplied to ride around the circle. In an effort to save a buck, the camp will still continue to call the location a water park. You can thank me later.

The brilliant weekend was wrapped up when the busses arrived to take everyone home. The only problem, seven busses dropped us off and only two came back to pick us up. If you are confused, two is less than seven and that is a problem. Even the minor mishap couldn’t diminish the camping experience. The year is finally here.