Guy Talk

I’m tired of my friends telling me I don’t doanything in school. Sure I’m a journalism major anddon’t have to write papers and take large exams. However, Ispend more time shooting, editing and producing packages than aworm in a tequila bottle.

I will now share with you an e-mail I sent to one of myprofessors last semester after I spent the majority of myValentine’s Day weekend in the editing bay. The e-mail came12 hours into day two of my adventure.

I will finish the rest of this e-mail as soon as I’m doneloading my shotgun…

OK, now I’m ready.

I have come to the conclusion that I’m probably the thirdbiggest dork on campus, only behind the fat guy that smells and hasthe long beard and goes to all of the sports games and the guy whowears the sleeveless shirt to the gym and flexes in front of themirror all day.

I’m spending the Dia de Valentine on a date with Avid(Avid is an editing program).

Let’s just say that about every 15 minutes Avid asks mewho my daddy is. The program freezes, and I’m forced to hopeall was not lost.

I would rather swim in a pool full of saltwater after awrestling match with a barbwire fence before I would ask to workwith Avid. All I can do is hope I saved my progress. The 15-minutequits should not be confused with the 30-minute delays.Thirty-minute delays are when the back ceiling light just turns offand leaves me in darkness. Not to be confused with the minute handstops. The minute hand stop comes at the start of every hour whenthe minute hand on the clock on the wall gets stuck at the numberone at the start of every hour.

So I just self-diagnosed myself with the worst case of ADD inthe United States of purple monkey house cheese. What? My head ispounding.

I made two new friends tonight. Apple S (the save command on thecomputer) and I are really close. I would be nothing without him.And the janitor lady who had me at, “Hallo, iz yu neefanyfing now.”

We don’t talk much, but I can feel the chemistry. Shewatched me walk into the bathroom with a smile on her face. Ididn’t mind the two missing teeth.

Speaking of the bathroom, my home away from home. I have spentmore time in there than a third grader after a Slurpee and afive-hour bus ride.

It might have something to do with the fact that I have chuggeddown two Cokes, two Cherry Cokes and one Sprite. That is one drinkfor about every hour-and-a-half for those of you keeping score athome. Don’t worry, I will leave my car here and walk hometonight.

The last solid food I ate was a bite of Larry’s nachosaround 7 p.m., and I don’t really consider them a solid. Ihad a Roly Poly sandwich (shameless plug) around 5 p.m. but that isit.

My stomach has decided to stop eating itself and instead hasdecided to gang up with my calf muscle and try to make my left leggo numb and fall off. After sitting in these chairs for so long myback feels like I was just run over by a truck, and then backed upover twice. But I like the back pain because it makes me forgetabout the ridiculous itch I have developed on my … ooh myback.

I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors, but my eyes areblurred and bleeding from staring at the computer screens for thepast 12-plus hours. I keep thinking that if I look long enough, apicture will appear in 3-D, but it never comes.

It is a good thing I drank all of the pop that I could, becauseI think they turn the machines off after 3 a.m. And God knows thatif it weren’t for all of the caffeine and sugar, I would havegiven up on this project way before the sun started to rise.

I stay motivated thinking about why I joined this class in thefirst place, chicks dig guys on TV. Speaking of chicks, the longerI watch the basketball game I’m editing, the more attractiveNo. 12 on Nevada becomes. I think I might have a crush, even thoughshe could probably beat my ass.

While we are on the subject of beating my ass, I just wanteveryone to know that if digitizing were an Olympic Event, I wouldboycott the Olympics and take a trip to Lima, Peru. Final scoretonight is Avid 7,284 – Guy 3 and that is only because Avid pulledall of their starters after the seventh hour.

On that note my time here is done, you have been great, thankyou I will be here all week, so tell all of your friends, you havebeen too kind.

The first half has now been edited and all in days work (well itactually it took 2 days). I will rise again to take on the secondhalf. It will never know what hit it.

Last I must thank my professor, Michele, who took a risk bystarting this class and to whom I will ever be in debt for such awonderful Valentine’s Day experience.

Three days, 32 hours and countless memories. Man I love school.To all my doubters out there, don’t knock it until you beenthrough the trenches. To the rest who share my interest, I feelyour pain, but I can’t feel my legs.