There she is … the woman that has unknowingly and single-handedly brought down your GPA only with her presence. She goes on about her day, not realizing that her biggest fan isn’t concerned with Thursday’s test, but with what his crush will wear that day.
Of course, I’ll speak of this from a fella’s point of view, but there are a few vice-versa cases … a few. What do I speak of? The game of love!
The easiest thing to do is for everyone to go on being friends, not to explore the unknown and see if this match is made in heaven. However, it’s not that neat and there’s nothing we as men can do to stop it. So, we try again and again, no matter how many failures try to get in our way.
What could we do with all that free time not taken up by women? Make wondrous grades in school that would catapult us to the top of the honor roll! Spend more time on the phone with our parents and telling them about our college ups and downs and the mystical powers of alcohol! Working even more at our jobs so we can have that extra “hmmp!” when we look in our wallet!
Okay, let’s face it: we need the ladies, fellas. No matter how you slice it, they’re a necessary evil for our joys and our pains. It’s just the way we go about it all. What do we do? We date.
I’ve come to the conclusion that dating is just a really bad idea that was carefully thought up by restaurants and movie theaters to increase their revenue legally and drain the pockets of men around the world.
Allow me to explain. Let’s say you like a girl and think she’s just what the doctor ordered. Man, she’s got a great smile, eyes that make you blush, and a tan that just knocks your socks off. Just picture that woman! She’s all those indescribable qualities wrapped into somethingà better than any Chick-fil-a “cool wrap” could produce. The world revolves for her.
Problem: she doesn’t know your feelings. You’ve tried to send signals her way and she’s sending hers. Not good enough. She still doesn’t get it.
You’ve subjected yourself to the vicious flirting game and now all the signals just mean friendly sexual tension. What the hell, you tell her you’re crazy about her. And that’s a whole other article in itself, so we’ll just assume you got the courage up and you told her. She’s agreed to go on a date with you.
Hey! Hey! Slow down! This doesn’t mean you’re in! This means that you get the privilege of using that Cartier cologne that sees dust more than pre-date smiles.
And last, but not least, spending your money on a girl that you may or may not ever see again.
The odds are better at most casinos than the bet that things will go off flawlessly. Why? Because today’s love takes more than just affection. Today’s messages include the importance of the individual and hesitance in all things bird-and-bee related.
Allow me to elaborate … that Shakespaerean when-a-man-loves-a-woman love is reserved only for songs. You try that stuff on today’s dating scene and you’ve earned yourself free room and board in one of our fine minimum security quarters.
Every song contains those semi-stalker phrases that we love! “He’d sleep out in the rain if she told him so …” or “turn his back on his best friend if he put her down …” or my favorite hum-dinger “a lover’s kiss is better than angels raining down on me …” However, no matter how crazy they are, I love each and every one of those lines. My shower hears them quite often.
The whole idea of dating is so you can bring her interest in you up to the point where yours already is through spending hard earned money and time. Why does the guy have to jump through hoops to get a girl to like him when just that goddess’ presence sent his heart flyin? I don’t remember the last time I witnessed a girl asking a guy out. Please understand that I’m sure it happens in some circles … I’ve just never been around them.
As you can see, dating involves a whole lot of stress whether it works out or not. If it works out, you’ve got to remember to make those frequent phone calls and you can’t spend money just on yourself. Don’t feel like shavin’ today? Well, she doesn’t feel like kissin’ your stubble today … how’s that?
And if it doesn’t work out, you’ve become the high bidder on a one way ticket to “uncomfortable for an undisclosed amount of time” land. I know it all sounds bad the way I’m painting it. But tell me if I’m out of line on any of these things; guys or girls. Tell me that at one point or another, some or all of these things have made themselves known.
You’re asking yourself why you even get out there on the playing field in the first place? Do me a favor: find that special person you like, go up to her, and just look into her eyes. Damn, you’ve just found out why.
Todd Haberkorn is a junior theatre major hermit residing in the basement of Meadows.He holds the current title for the “only Asian-American able to push out a beard under a decade.” (It’s for a show…). He enjoys movies, dogs and…votes…on SMU homepages…for male columnists…