Watch your language

As a person who enjoys writing (at least when it doesn’t involve analyzing some dreadful book for class1), I take somewhat of an interest in the English language.

That doesn’t mean I’m a real stickler for language. There are people who take the language so seriously that they shun the uses of slang terms and vulgarities in language, in order to use more sophisticated words. I think that’s silly, given the purpose of language is communication. More people understand the word “bombast” than the word “grandiloquence,” so unless I want to sound like a pompous jerk (which I try to avoid, believe it or not), I would use the word more people would recognize. However, if the word “timid” just won’t do and “pusillanimous” works better, I’ll use it. Likewise, even though saying something is terrible, horrible or pathetic might serve my purpose, it is simply more fulfilling (and often more fun) to say that it sucks, blows or bites ass1.

I am also not an Ainderby Quernhow2, though I do remember that one of my advisors back in high school was. There are plenty of other good words to use to convey the same feeling: happy, cheerful, jolly, joyful, jocund and so on, but all he wanted was to bring back “gay.” I hate to disappoint him, but it’s gone. Gay will forever more refer to homosexuality. So when people fifty years from now sing “Deck The Halls” and wonder why in the world someone would write about people putting on tight silk shirts, tighter blue jeans and skipping down the street singing Christmas carols in lispy voices3, then, well, it’ll be a humorous moment for those of us who will be alive then, at least.

However, the misuse of words does bother me. Not as much if someone thinks they’re using a word correctly and is mistaken as when they use them incorrectly and either should know better4 or make excuses for it5. I hear the voice of a third grade grammar teacher every time I see a Chunky Soup commercial and hear the endorser say he’s “eating good.” (“Eating well, Kurt. Eating WELL!”) If the distinction between “good” and “well” is starting to be ignored, how long before things get gooder and gooder?

This brings me to why I dislike, no, why I hate political correctness. I can certainly understand not using bigoted language; it’s just that how much language becomes considered racist, sexist or homophobic when everyone has a say. It might be considered sexist to say that if strength is the main focus of a competition that the man will probably win. I will admit that some of the time, that just might not be the case, but in general men are stronger than women. Yes, any one of the participants in The World’s Strongest Woman competition could kick my ass from here to Reykjavik, but I’d bet that 95 percent of the competitors in the masculine counterpart could beat the World’s Strongest Woman. I never said “a woman can never be as strong as a man,” but that’s how some would portray my words6.

Personally (and I can appreciate that this is an opinion that might not be shared by many), I would much rather have people use language they feel comfortable with than hide their feelings under some feel-good language that has been mandated by society. I want to know what people think if they can tell me, I don’t want to have to decipher it. Maybe you see what I’m talking about. But if not, feel free to e-mail me, and we can discuss it.

1. Like The Scarlet Letter or The Lord of the Flies.

2. From Douglas Adams and John Lloyd’s The Deeper Meaning of Liff: Ainderby Quernhow (n): One who continually bemoans the loss of the word gay to the English language, even though they had never used the word in any context at all until they started complaining they couldn’t use it anymore.

3. I know that is a stereotype and not all gay people wear that kind of clothing and hardly any engage in such behavior as stated above, so all the thought police can stop writing their letters to the editor about my column. Thanks.

4. Probably the most annoying example is using “you’re” for “your.”

5. Ebonics immediately comes to mind. I don’t care what anyone says, it is not a dialect. Jive is a dialect. Hip-hop can be considered one as well. Saying “I be going” or “he throwed it” is bad English. There’s a difference between someone saying they don’t know have never seen a column on a building is and therefore shouldn’t be tested on it and that using bad grammar is a part of that person’s culture.

6. To “prove” I’m not a sexist, I believe that, given equally qualified candidates, a woman would make a better leader than a man. Just, please, for the love of everything good and holy, don’t let it be Hillary Clinton.