If only there were extra credit

Time to sit down and take a look at how sports on the Hilltop are fairing into mid-October. During the first half of the semester, SMU athletics have been harder to watch than a “Full House” marathon on a Friday night. Watching some of these teams come up short has been more painful than swallowing a box of razor blades and then drinking a glass of lemonade. If all of the pieces were supposed to be in place then we must be building a jigsaw puzzle because SMU athletics is just that, puzzling. I hear you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Well these horses have been lead to water with bricks tied to their feet and shoved off the deep end.

The football team is still trying to put two and two together. Unfortunately, they keep on coming up with the answer as zero. As in the Mustangs at 0-7 on the season. On the plus side, if teams were awarded victories for close games the Ponies would be 3-4 and bowl eligible. Asking a team with a first-year head coach and a young offense to win the WAC is like asking Milli Vanilli to sing at your birthday party. It’s never gonna happen.

The Mustangs haven’t given up on the season and should turn things around in the near future. The offense is beginning to gain shape and the defense is finding the strength of seasons past.
SMU football – D+

The women’s soccer team has had more ups and downs than an elevator in the Sears Tower. The Lady Mustangs started the season ranked 24th in the nation and jumped to the 22nd spot after a 3-1 start. After losing three out of the next four games, the women’s team floated just above .500 and a life preserver was nowhere to be found. When it comes to work ethic, the Lady Mustangs lead by example. With six overtime games already this season, the women have spent more time on the grass than Cheech and Chong. The hard work has paid off and the Lady Mustangs have since returned to winning ways. The women should roll over the competition for the remainder of the regular season and look to keep the WAC crown at the Hilltop for one more year.
SMU women’s soccer – B-

What a simple game golf can be. Tap it in, just tap it in, tap-tap-taparoo. The men’s golf season is underway and things have been a little off the mark. Top 10 is the name of the game as the Mustang long ballers have placed 10th twice and tied for first in the three tournaments they have entered this season. With seven upperclassmen and a stellar squad of freshmen, the next time you hear the Ponies yell “fore” it might have the word ‘final’ in front of it. The only thing harder to do than watch the game of golf is to play it. As soon as the team turns things back around there will be plenty of reasons to start watching.
SMU men’s golf – C+

The Women’s volleyball team is attempting to dig themselves out of a hole. The ladies started the first 10 games of the season with a record of 4-6 and have been climbing back to respectability ever since. One disadvantage for the Lady Mustangs might be the lack of home court advantage. I have seen more people waiting in a line to have a kidney removed than I have at one of their home games. With an average of 220 people per game, the Mustangs are last in the country in attendance right behind Wasco Elementary School in Illinois and Country Isles Elementary in Florida, and our ladies never get oranges at halftime. In fact the last time so few people got together to watch a sporting event was the 1944 Olympics thanks in part to Adolf Hitler. The women keep playing hard and are 2-2 early in WAC play. The season is still young and I have faith that the Lady Mustangs will have no problem righting their ship.
SMU women’s volleyball – C

I figured it would be best to end this on a positive note. So I saved the men’s soccer team as my final grade. The boys of Westcott Field are the Pepto-Bismol in a world of Mexican food. The Mustangs are the spare candles when the power goes out, the canceled class the morning after a late night out. Do you get the point? In a year when SMU athletics have fallen short, the men’s soccer team has been there to make everything better. Currently, the Ponies are ranked sixth in the nation. The Mustangs have spent more time at the top of the polls than some of the dancers at Baby Dolls. With a record of 10-1-2, the Mustangs are ranked first in the Missouri Valley Conference and still have not lost a game at home this season. Anything less than a trip to Gerald J. Ford Stadium on Dec. 13 for the final four would come as a disappointment. The Mustangs have had enough bright spots this season to light up Reunion Tower. As MVC play wears on, the Mustangs will gain momentum heading into this year’s tournament.
SMU men’s soccer – A

Any of the sports currently in progress that did not receive a formal evaluation received an I for incomplete because they did not have enough statistical information compiled at the time the article was written.