In comedy reminiscent of “Saturday Night Live,”Chris Rock’s quick wit had the audience sitting on the edgeof their seats on Saturday, afraid to miss a single joke.
Rock’s tour is entitled “Black Ambition” andis ambitious indeed. After spending the last four years makingmovies and doing television appearances, the veteran performerboldly gave his opinions at NextStage Theatre in Grand Prairie onsubjects ranging from raising children and the war in the MiddleEast to the failed investigations of various murdered rapartists.
Rock said that the whole world has gone crazy.
“I admit it, I grew up in Brooklyn. I don’t careabout al-Qaida. I mean come on man. Did al-Qaida blow up a buildingin Oklahoma? No. Did al- Qaida put anthrax in your mail? No. Didal-Qaida drag James Byrd down the street until his eyeballs poppedout of his head?”
“No. I ain’t scared of al-Qaida. I’m scared ofAl Cracker. That’s who I’m scared of, Cracker Al.
Even white people gotta look out for Cracker Al, he don’tlike nobody.”
Rock went on to joke about local celebrities in the news,including Michael Jackson, who’s been accused of childmolestation for the second time.
“Another kid? It’s like finding another dead whitewoman in front of O.J.’s house. ‘Uh, I don’t knowhow she got there. I was playing golf.'”
Rock also spoke proudly of his new baby girl.
“Her relationship with men will be based on herrelationship with me. If I f— up, she’s gonna drive someman crazy. Every man in here done dated a woman with some daddyproblems and that s— ain’t no fun. Sometimes I look at her,I push her in the stroller, I think about her future and I realizethat my only job in life is to keep her off the pole. Keep my babyoff the pole. I just want to tell father’s, if your daughtersa stripper, you done f—ed up.”
Always in motion, dancing across the stage, Rock discussed thestripper myth that some college girls strip to pay their tuition.He doesn’t buy it.
“No you’re not. There’s no strippers incollege. There’s no clear heels in biology. I didn’tknow there was a college that only took one-dollar bills, and ifthey got so many strippers in college, how come I never got a smartlap dance? I never had a girl sit on my lap and say, ‘If Iwas you, I would diversify my portfolio.'”
Rock also said the government does not like rap. He said thatthe reason that the government hates rap is shown in the fact theydon’t go after the guys who kill rappers.
“They got no clues, no evidence, nothing. They don’teven got a chalk outline. If you want to get away with murder,shoot someone in the head and put a book of rhymes in their pocket.‘It’s another rap killing, let’s gohome.'”
He specifically cited Tupac Shakur’s shooting in Las Vegason the strip in front of the arena after a Mike Tyson fight. Shakurwas gunned down but supposedly there is no evidence orwitnesses.
“How many witnesses do you need? … You mean to tellme they can find Saddam Hussein in hole half way around the world,but they can’t find out who shot Tupac?”
Rock also said he did not understand why we’re at war.
“It’s so ‘80s. The whole world is like a badVH1 festival. Saddam Hussein is back, Bush is back, Cheney’sback, Paula Abdul’s back. Before you know it, it’ll beHammer time again!”
Rock also said the war has brought out the best and worst inpeople.
“The people were so patriotic in the beginning, nowwe’re saying f— the French because they won’t join usin the war, and we’re chanting, ‘USA, USA!’ TheUnited States is the biggestd most powerful country in the worldtoday. Why would anyone help us in a fight? Would you help MikeTyson in a fight?”
He also said people hate America, but that’s OK becausepeople only hate winners.
He said that if every one on the block hates you, it’sprobably because you got the biggest house on the block. He said toembrace the hate, understand the hate, love the hate.
“People hate the Yankees, people hate the Cowboys, peoplehate the Lakers. Nobody hates the Clippers. People only hate thewinners. Americans do good things. American’s do bad things.American’s do schizophrenic things. I loveAmerica.”
