Bill vs. Bill, the rematch

You may not know this, but there was a column before lastweek’s. For reasons somewhat beyond my control, itdidn’t run. I was 4-0 that week. I had a second columnalready planned out, about how it was all downhill from there.Instead, I start my season going 0-4 against the spread. I wish Icould say that it’s all uphill from here, but it’snot.

This probably isn’t my season in any way, shape or form.My fantasy team, the aptly-named All Talkers, are nestledcomfortably in the cellar, last in the league in points and,naturally, winless. To give you an idea of how bad my team is, Idrafted both Steve McNair and Peyton Manning, yet I’m stilllast in the league in points and winless. Think about that. Bunchof bums.

So, given all of that, why would I have thought that any weeklyNFL prognostications I make would work out for me? Answer: Ishouldn’t have. Still, I’ll keep at it.”Why?” you may be asking, if you’re stillreading. Simple: I’m an eternal optimist. “Wait‘til next week,” I always say, in defiance of the NFLgods who delight in my failure and misery. Also, I think I get paidfor writing a column a week. I’ll have to ask someone aboutthat to make sure, but, if it’s true, that’s also agood reason to write one. Point spreads subject to change. Lastweek: 0-4. Season: 0-4

Dallas (+4) over New England

I know I said last week that I’m not sold on the Cowboys,but it’ll be a cold day in hell before I pick the Patriots.Also, Belichick’s teams have averaged 16 points per gameagainst Parcell’s 14 in their four meetings coming into thisone. That gels too nicely with this game’s spread. I stand bywhat I said about the ‘Boys, though. I don’t see themwinning this one, but it’ll probably be close, and theirschedule doesn’t get any nicer. (Next week, they faceCarolina, then Miami, then a supposedly-resurgent Philadelphiateam.) As for the Patriots, they’ve proven they can win thisseason, amassing a 4-0 record against winning teams (as opposed tothe Cowboys, who are 1-0 against winners this year), and they havea speedier, run-stifling-er defense than they had two years ago.The AFC East is clearly theirs to lose. (Maybe that’ll jinxthose townie bastards.)

Houston (+7) over Buffalo

How good is Domanick Davis? He’s averaging 5.1 yards percarry in the eight games (four starts) this season. He’s onpace to rack up 1,044 yards rushing this season. Not too shabby atall, and he has plenty of potential, considering he has no interestin pursuing a rap career. At any rate, I think he’ll be ableto run over a struggling (no, make that collapsing) Buffalo teamthat can’t seem to find a whole lot of consistency on eitherside of the ball. Even when they hold a passable defense like theCowboys’ to 10 points, they can’t protect quarterbackDrew “My head hurts” Bledsoe long enough for him to getthe ball where it needs to be: down the field in wide receiver EricMoulds’ hands. It’s a simple enough formula: Limitsacks on Bledsoe and you’ll win games. Either theBills’ offensive line doesn’t realize this or theycan’t do it. Either way, Gregg Williams should start workingon his resume.

Cincinnati (+6) over Kansas City

Yeah, that’s right. I picked the Bengals. They’vebecome a halfway decent team, though I don’t know how muchcredit to give Marvin Lewis for it. All that matters is thatrunning back Rudi Johnson has averaged better than four yards percarry, while an injured Corey Dillon awaits his expulsion fromfootball purgatory. On the other side, you have the Kansas CityChiefs, who, in case you haven’t heard, are football’sonly undefeated team. Now, don’t get me wrong. I lovedynasties in pro sports. I’m a Yankees fan, after all. I rootfor the bad guys in movies. I think sports are more interestingwhen there’s someone everyone else is aiming at. That said, Idon’t see this team going undefeated, and I like the karma ofthe Bengals, possibly sports’ worst franchise, taking a crackat them. For the record, Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson’sguarantee of victory did not factor into my prediction, though I dowonder if Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil will cry after the loss.

San Francisco (+4.5) over Pittsburgh

Ah, the Monday night match-up I’ve been waiting for allyear. Which team will leave the field two games under .500? Ooh,the drama of it all. I’ll take the Niners because they havean underrated defense and because Pittsburgh straight sucks noodlesdespite having the best wide receiving corps in the game.