Celebrity Stalking
You loved him in Wes Anderson’s Bottle Rocket and The Royal Tenenbaums. You suffered through Home Fries and Best Men, chalking up his decision to reduce himself to such films for resume-building. You even have a recording in your VCR right now of that episode of “The X-files” in which he makes a guest appearance as Sherriff Hartwell.
I am talking of course about Luke Wilson, the Dallas-born brother of Owen who celebrates his 31st birthday on the 21st of this month (a Virgo!). Yes, fans, he’s back in his hometown, more than likely for a limited time only, and if you’re hip to the Park Cities scene, you just might come face to beautiful face with him when you least expect it.
You see, just three short weeks ago, junior English and journalism major and Daily Campus news editor Jeremy Roebuck and Junior political science major Sean West were casually strolling by the Berkshire Court Starbucks (Preston and Northwest Highway), when they happened to glance up and see Wilson exiting the store, latte in hand, accompanied by an unidentified man whom Roebuck described as “older.”
“Oh my God! That’s Luke Wilson!” exclaimed Roebuck.
At this point, Wilson began to jog to the parking garage to retrieve his automobile (suspected to be a dark-colored, domestic SUV, perhaps a Tahoe or a 4-Runner, but this statement has not yet been confirmed.)
“He’s running!” West cried.
“Quick, chase after him!” Roebuck directed, a bit too loudly, for at that moment Wilson looked over his shoulder and saw the pair making their way toward him. He turned back around and fled, as West put it, “like a scared puppy” into the garage, and the two lost sight of him.
About a week later on the eve of Labor Day, I pulled up to the Premier Video on Mockingbird Lane, (arguably the best video rental store in the area with its great selection of foreign and independent movies, its friendly and knowledgeable staff, and its terrific deals, such as two-for Tuesdays and those collect-ten-for-free-rental coupons,) to return a couple of overdue tapes.
I noticed a very attractive man standing outside the store talking to a few people.
“That is a very attractive man,” I thought.
Upon closer inspection, I realized, “That’s not a ‘very attractive man,’ that’s Luke F***ing Wilson!!”
I leapt out of my car and followed him and his male companion, whom I can only describe as being “older,” into the store. Slamming my videos down on the counter, I proceeded to walk straight over to where he and the “older” man were perusing the newly-released DVDs, and the following exchange took place.
Me: (Leaning across the “older” man to address Wilson.) “Excuse me, but would it be alright if I said hello to you?”
Luke Wilson: “Well, sure!”
Me: (Reaching my arm across the “older” man to shake Wilson’s hand.) “Lauren Castelli!” (Yes, I gave him my full name. No, I did not give him my screenplay.)
Wilson.: Nice to meet you. (Indeed!)
Me: “I just have to tell you, you are fantastic!”
Wilson: “Well thank you.”
Me: “Bottle Rocket! The Royal Tenenbaums!” (At this point, I proceeded to give him a “thumbs up.” Okay, two. Yeah, I know.)
Wilson: “That’s very nice.” (Or something to that effect. Call it a side effect of a traumatic experience, but I am having a difficult time remembering the details)
Me: “I’m sorry, I am really bad with celebrities.” (Incidentally, the only other celebrity I’ve met is Carol Channing, and I was so distracted by her crooked wig that I’m not sure I even said anything.)
Wilson: “That’s OK.” (At least, I hope that’s what he said he said.)
Me: “Thanks, sorry!”
At this point, I fled from the store, not unlike a scared puppy.
I relate these two encounters both to encourage and to advise you. You too could find yourselves part of a fortuitous tryst with the ruggedly-handsome Richie Tenenbaum. But take heed: It is easier than you might think to become star-struck and fall victim to temporary social ineptitude. Just remember, as Lucy Ricardo once said, “[Movie Stars] are just ordinary people like you and me.” Indeed.
