So after a nice relaxing week away from school, I think we can all agree that this past week has been one brutal trip of work, work and, oh yeah, more work. The library seems fuller at night than it ever has been as we all try to cram information into our heads for those wonderful finals that start up in a little over a week. Not to mention this week was full of turning in essays, in-class debates and last-minute tests thrown at us by those teachers who have really gotten into the holiday spirit. In the midst of all this school discord, things were not made easier by a tad bit of social life drama I had to deal with during the week. However, this diamond in the rough of situations made me realize something about our generation today as a whole: We are incapable of putting the past behind us and forgiving people of past indiscretions.
Now the drama I had to deal with was far from your run-of-the-mill college drama. This was one of those ultimate throw downs, the nuclear holocaust of drama. I am sure everyone has been there. It’s the kind where at times you just want to scream till you lose your voice, or you are just so out of it because of sheer shock, and finally it induces times when you just want to cry (that’s right, and guys don’t pretend you haven’t been there, crying isn’t just for the female sex).
For the sake of this article I am going to give a brief run down of what happened without using any names because the point of this column is not to bash the people involved (although, had you talked to me about two days ago, that probably would have been my intention). Basically what happened was I confided something completely and utterly personal to a person who had given me the impression that I could trust the person unconditionally. Well, not only did that person betray my trust, but they also decided to exaggerate the things I had said. Now at first when I heard about this I was pissed off and then hurt, and then even more pissed off. It was one of those instances when you try to attempt a sort of damage control on the situation by telling your side of the story, but people seem too stubborn to listen. Despite all this bitterness and anger, I gave myself time to cool down before I talked to my betrayer.
The talk we had basically involved me venting how I felt about what they did and them apologizing for their actions, claiming that they did not mean for it to turn out the way it did. At first I did not want to accept the apology, but after a few hours I began to realize just how much this conflict was getting in the way of my own happiness in my life as well as with my school work. Even so, I put aside my own bitterness and found the sincerity in the person’s words to forgive them. Now this whole process was much easier said than done, but nonetheless I have noticed that is a challenge that our generation seems unwilling to overcome.
We have all heard the saying, “Forgive, but don’t forget.” We condition ourselves to think that the people who harmed us are inherently evil on some level and don’t deserve our forgiveness because chances are they will do it again, hence the “don’t forget” part. But when it boils down to it, that isn’t really forgiving because you are still holding onto the pain that you felt. In doing so you only keep yourself from being able to move on from the problem and those prolonged negative feelings will surely stop you from achieving a higher form of happiness down the road. At the same time, I am not advocating that everyone just shrug it off every time someone hurts you. What I ask is if someone apologizes, you find the level-headedness to listen to their words (ignore the nasty ones in your head) and, most of all, consider the position they are in.
While we have all been hurt in our lives, we have all had to apologize as well. Keeping that in mind, we can all relate to just how hard it is to face someone who you have wronged and try to show them that you are sorry for what you did. What is important is when someone apologizes, no matter how soon or far away from the incident it might be, you recognize the strength it takes to do so. Forgiveness is a two-way street, and I believe whole-heartedly that it helps you more than it helps them. Keeping this in mind, maybe it’s time that we ask ourselves, “Is it really ever too late to apologize?”
About the writer:
James Lucente is a first-year double major in international relations and broadcast journalism. He can be reached at [email protected].
