This column was inspired by Bill Bryson’s artistically crafted article “Rules for Living” from his incredible book “I’m A Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America After 20 Years Away.”

Do any of the following things if you wish to appear stupid to

other people:

•Wear flip-flops to formal events.

•Talk loudly on your cell phone.

•Talk loudly on your cell phone about people from your place of business in a rather exasperating manner.

•Write lyrics such as, “You make me feel so LA-LA-LALALA.”

•Think less of elderly people who are ignorant of modern technology.

•”Forget” important dates in your nation’s history.

•Pass up any opportunity for free food.

•Pay full price for a new car.

•Hit a bicyclist with any car.

•Use the Bible as “justification” for going to war or violently conquering/wiping out entire civilizations.

•Flirt with someone who is married or in a relationship.

•Let stereotypes define your perception of people.

•Sleep through class at a private university where tuition is very high.

•Quote someone from Jersey Shore.

•Watch Jersey Shore.

•Claim to be able to single-handedly run the government better than the current President and elected officials.

•Judge anyone based on his or her sex or gender.

•Avoid the library.

•Mispronounce “Iraq” or “Iran.”

•Adopt a dog while living in an apartment and going to school full-time.

•Dismiss someone else’s point of view with your eyes open and your mind closed.

•Use the wrong form of ‘their,’ ‘there,’ ‘they’re,’ ‘your,’ ‘you’re,’ ‘too’ or ‘to’ in any context.

•Type “lol” if you didn’t laugh out loud.

•Disrespect people who are homeless or think that they “chose” to be homeless.

•Tell a lie.

•Argue with a professor in class over something unrelated to the lecture he or she is presenting.

•Argue in any way other than academically and respectfully with a professor and then expect a high grade at the end of the semester.

•Take a daily vitamin supplement and then binge daily on unhealthy food.

•Joke about sexual assault.

•Wear any type of clothing that showcases/features your UNDERgarments.

•Get into a long-distance relationship and then realize afterward that physical contact is important to you.

•Make fun of anyone or anything out of ignorance.

•Sing loudly in hallways as if you think your voice is a gift you must bestow upon an (unfortunately captive) audience.

•Take good health for granted.

Katrina Leshan is a junior majoring in classical guitar performance. She can be reached for comment at [email protected]