I began this week by offering up my favorite films of 2007 in Monday’s issue. As I said in that article, which you can still read on The Daily Campus Web site, 2007 was an overall quality year of films. But like the mythical hydra, for every decent film that is made, three god-awful ones pop up at the multiplex. Much of America, for the most part, likes crap. Many bad movies inevitably still manage to make money. I pity some of the actors and films listed below. But some have no excuse, and to the people responsible for these abominations, I say: Please quit. Here are the worst films of 2007.
1. “License to Wed” – This film may have single-handedly ruined the romantic comedy genre for me. I saw it with my mom, and if she hadn’t been kind enough to pay for the ticket, I might have walked out or at least demanded my money back. Mandy Moore (“Saved,” “American Dreamz”) and John Krasinski (TV’s “The Office”) star as a naive couple who has to seek the approval of Moore’s childhood preacher (Robin Williams, “Mrs. Doubtfire,” “Man of the Year”) before they can get married. The film was predictable and offensive, not just to Christians but to anyone with a brain. Sitting through this movie was torture. “License to Wed” made me want to hurt Robin Williams for being annoying and Mandy Moore and John Krasinski for being idiots.
2. “Love in the Time of Cholera” – There’s nothing like getting your favorite novel maimed on the big screen to make you lose faith in Hollywood. This film had all the elements of a great romantic drama: a good director in Mike Newell (“Four Weddings and a Funeral,” “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”), a talented cast that included Javier Bardem (“No Country for Old Men”) and John Leguizamo (“Moulin Rouge,” “Land of the Dead”), and incredible source material.
But it was all shot to hell in this unintentionally comic film that lost the magic from the novel and instead featured atrocious makeup, muddled accents and chronic cases of overacting. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, and that’s pretty much the story of my expectations for this film.
3. “Wild Hogs” – Between this and “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” it would seem that Hollywood has discovered the obvious humor derived from straight guys acting like gay males. How hilarious. This film dealt mostly in stereotypes and plot holes, dragging it so deep into the depths of awfulness that not even William H. Macy as a slightly charming dork could dig it out.
The saddest part about “Wild Hogs” is that it made boatloads of money. In fact, I’m so depressed about it that, rather than give more original thought to this film, I’ll quote my original review in which I said it was “a waste of celluloid” and “an insipid, condescending, mindless movie that isn’t worth the $10 ticket price.”
4. “Evan Almighty” – I don’t blame Steve Carell for this disaster of a sequel. This is another example of a good actor who had to make a bad movie. Plus, it would seem any Jim Carrey sequel made without Jim Carrey is doomed to fail. (Just look at “Dumb and Dumberer” or “Son of the Mask.” Yikes.)
“Evan” lacked the charm and humor that “Bruce Almighty” managed to convey. Every joke fell flat and every special effect just looked cheesy. The filmmakers got bonus points from me for casting Lauren Graham (TV’s “Gilmore Girls”) and Jonah Hill (“Accepted,” “Superbad”), but lost them all for including Wanda Sykes, one of the most irritating people put on this earth.
5. “Because I Said So” – Kudos to both Mandy Moore and Lauren Graham for having two films in the Top Five! I can’t say too much about this horrible movie because I watched only 20 minutes of it before ejecting the DVD in a disgusted manner and instead watching a rerun of “America’s Next Top Model.”
Diane Keaton plays the world’s most clingy, infuriating, sex-obsessed mother in a film that suffers more for each millisecond she’s onscreen. I think it says a lot that I would rather endure an hour of Tyra Banks than an hour of Keaton’s character.
6. “Mr. Woodcock” – This might-have-been-funny film is a hodge-podge mix of elements from “Dodgeball,” “School for Scoundrels” and TV’s “My Name is Earl.” Except “Mr.Woodcock” is a poor imitation of anything resembling comedy. Seann William Scott (“American Pie”) plays a selfish son who doesn’t want his mom (Susan Sarandon, “Stepmom,” “Enchanted”) to date his former gym teacher, Mr. Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton, “Bad Santa”).
Not a single character in this film was remotely likable and the script relied too heavily on awkward jokes and voiceovers. Random subplots flit in and out but were never enough to distract from generally unfunny material. However, Amy Poehler’s performance as an alcoholic publicist did get a few chuckles out of me.
7. “Spider-Man 3” – This movie was a surprising letdown after the first two quality entries in the series. I think the first two “Spider-Man” films are two of the greatest superhero movies ever. So imagine my shock and dismay when “Spider-Man 3” was really terrible.
Sam Raimi really phoned this one in, adding in fan-favorite character Venom (played not-too-horribly by Topher Grace, TV’s “That ’70s Show”) almost as an afterthought and then completely wasting him. Thomas Hayden Church’s Sandman certainly looked interesting, but the character lacked consistency in his motives. James Franco actually did a great job as Harry, but his cool factor couldn’t overshadow EmoEvil Peter Parker dancing like an idiot. Every second Kirsten Dunst was on screen was torturous.
There were so many plots in this film that the movie couldn’t devote the right amount of time to any of them. This visually impressive film suffered from a sloppy script and too many villains and love interests.
8. “Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World’s End” – To be fair, I might be one of the only people who thinks the “Pirates” movies are overrated. But I’ll at least admit that the first one was fun and the second one was pretty OK. But I found the third film to be convoluted and ridiculous.
A movie based on a ride at Disney World shouldn’t be this complicated. But this film is obsessed with surprising its audience, so we are forced to watch almost every single character double-cross every other character throughout the movie, leading to a climax in which you have little idea who to root for. The first five minutes and the last five minutes of this film were actually cool, but everything in between was a mess, with characters switching sides for little reason and every actor mugging at the camera for all they’re worth.
9. “Smokin’ Aces” – Sure, it looked cool and some of the action gave the term “adrenaline-fueled thrill ride” a whole new meaning. But the often bizarre script for “Smokin’ Aces” made absolutely no sense and not a single character in the film was likable or funny.
Jason Bateman was actually pretty humorous, but he was in the film so little that I’m not even sure why his role wasn’t considered a cameo. And any film that underuses Jason Bateman can never be good in my book.
10. “Pride” – This hokey based-on-a-true-story “inspirational” film was a note-by-note rehash of every inspirational sports movie of the last 10 years: “Remember the Titans,” “Miracle” and even “Hardball.” But this one involved a swim team, so it had to be different, right? Nope. Terrence Howard starred as Jim Ellis, a coach who encourages an inner city swim team to be all they can be.
Though the film looked true to life, the preachy dialogue and corny moments made me wish for a documentary about Ellis instead of this hackneyed film.
I need to add a disclaimer at this point and say that I didn’t see “Norbit,” “Bratz” or “Epic Movie.” But I don’t have to see them to know that they’re bad. I wouldn’t have felt right about putting them on the list. But I still had more than enough to work with. The above films are almost enough to make me hope the writers’ strike continues just so we might see a decrease in terrible, horrible, no good, very bad filmmaking.
Photos courtesy RottenTomatoes.com
