I’m not what you’d call a romantic. I avoid public displays of affection and gag when I hear my brother saying things like, “I really mean it: Natalie Portman looks hideous compared to your radiance” to his girlfriend. I don’t know when my anniversary is because I don’t remember when I started dating my girlfriend. The last time someone said we were cute, she and I took it as an insult.

It’s not that I don’t feel strongly about the people I date; I actually have been known to fall in love from time to time. And I don’t look down on people who express their affection through flowers and candlelit dinners. It’s just not for me.

So Valentine’s Day got me thinking. How can I, enemy of mush, celebrate a holiday meant for showing someone that you love them? That soon broadened to reflections on what real love means.

I came up with some stories that to me represent true love, both good and bad. What I learned surprised, frightened, and inspired me. Here’s that list, along with some thoughts:

• “The Cider House Rules” by John Irving: The life story of Homer Wells, an orphan trained in obstetrics by a doctor who runs an orphanage, treats Homer as a son, and performs illegal abortions on the sly. In the course of the novel, Homer fathers a child with his best friend’s wife, foreswears then eventually embraces his mentor’s work, and protects a young apple picker from her abusive father. Irving shows us every kind of love: familial, romantic, friendly, and universal. He also shows us how complex these feelings can be and how we so often let down those who deserve to be let down least.

• “Macbeth” by William Shakespeare: Macbeth and his wife have some serious issues. But of all the characters in Shakespeare, I can’t think of any two so committed to one another. They live – and die – together, and while you can question their morals, their devotion is unimpeachable. It’s scary to see just how far real love can push you.

• “Album of the Year” by The Good Life: My dad won’t let me or my brother play this song in the car. “It’s just too damn sad,” he says. In just five minutes, we hear the entire history of a relationship. There’s nothing idealized about it. “The first time that I met her I was throwing up in the lady’s room stall,” the singer says, “we moved into a studio…where the mice came out at night.” But that’s how life is; romance isn’t a Hallmark card. The fact that two people can still be so hopeful makes the highs higher and the lows the more heartbreaking. “The last time that I saw her she was picking through which records were hers,” the song continues. Sometimes love dies, too.

• The legend of King Arthur: whether it’s told in the original epic form, like in Sir Thomas Malory’s “Le Morte d’Arthur,” or it’s a more modern take like T.H. White’s “The Once and Future King,” the Arthur story holds a special place in the history of English literature. Everyone knows that Lancelot and Guinevere’s love destroys a kingdom; less well known is the fact that the two spent years fighting the urge of togetherness. Or that Lancelot could never become the perfect knight because of his true feelings. Or that after the fateful battle in which Arthur was killed, Guinevere sequestered herself from Lancelot’s sight. One day, Lancelot sensed that something was wrong and went to her only to find that she’d died moments before. Across distance and wills, after so much bloodshed of their own making, the two shared a bond that couldn’t be broken. Their love felled a kingdom, but in the end they were just two very human people, caught up in something neither one could control.

• “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles: Remember when that really was all you wanted to do with your better half?

Love is a complicated thing. It can inspire us to new heights and it can make us do things we know we shouldn’t. Some people are able to capture this complexity. I spent my Valentine’s thinking about their lessons. Sure beats the mush.