I’m sure half of my would-be-readers have already begun their Spring Break travels, so for those of you sticking around, thanks. I’ll try to make it worth your while.
Being that I’m only months (plus a summer semester) away from graduating, I like to think I’ve picked up on some of the habits that pop up this time of year. After all, if you’re stuck in a class without many friends, Spring Break plans are one of the most oft-discussed subjects.
So for those of you who are forced into these awkward conversations today, do not fear: I present to you a guide! More than likely your conversation buddy will fall into one of these categories:
The world-traveler: Over the course of the break she’s going to Australia, Fiji, Paris, and Kyoto, and she’s going to try to fit in tea with the Easter Island heads. She’ll take 300 Facebook pictures and complain for a month about how sleep-deprived she is.
The “I’m going to Cancun!” guy: “Did you know I’m going to Cancun? I mean, really…Cancun’s gonna be sweet. Cancun has the best parties around. I love Cancun, I am Cancun. Without me, Cancun’s probably not going to be Cancun.” At this point, the guy either runs out of thoughts or gets smacked upside the head.
The person who claims to study: This person complains for at least a week before Spring Break about massive class loads, midterms, projects, how the entire institution is remarkably unfair, and how she’s going to be holed up reading in her room every day for eight hours. In reality, this person will spend the first six days watching complete seasons of “Family Guy” while complaining about how much work she has to do.
The person who actually studies: He/she never complains and is usually super-productive at a steady pace throughout the week while still mixing in some fun. Come the end of Spring Break, they will want to hang out, but everyone else will be too busy cramming at the last minute and hating them.
The celebrity-follower: Anyone who actually dedicates Spring Break to trying to share five minutes with a random movie star/musician/former president that for some reason they are obsessed about meeting fits into this category. Usually these people travel in groups to appear less stalkerish. An alternate name for this individual is “The Jonas Brothers groupie.”
The marathon man: Similar to “The person who claims to study” but with one clear distinction–this person wants everyone to know that he finished all six “Rocky” movies in one day while taking only bathroom breaks. He typically spends the following two days sleeping. This person tries to create a “Spring Break movie party,” and it typically ends up consisting of two people, a dog, and some store-brand popcorn. A good challenge to shut this person up is to ask him if he remembered to watch the DVD commentaries.
Moneybags: The person who shows up on campus after Spring Break with either new shoes, a new pair of designer earrings, some Armani suit he picked off the rack in Milan, or a Ferrari. Take your pick. This person is the only reason the economy’s still going, so I suppose we should applaud him for that.
The workaholic: Always one to take advantage of a situation, this person clocks so many hours that she’s eventually begging for classes to start back. Generally this is a sign of either 1) an exceptionally responsible student doing their best to get by or 2) someone who really just wants to be a Moneybags.
The gamer: Excited that a new video game is out, this person works to the best of his ability to unlock the secret ending and top the Xbox Leaderboard within the span of a week. Generally he succeeds, and also spoils the ending for anyone who happens to be within thirty feet. In other words, this person is generally me.
The sleepaholic: I’m not going to bother with this one. Too tiring.
I hope you find my little tongue-in-cheek guide useful. I really love all of these people, with the exception of the Cancun guy. Hitting the Yucatan was so six years ago.
Have a wonderful and safe Spring Break everyone!
Matt Carter is a senior creatjve writing, journalism, and Asian studies triple major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].
