Some candidates for governor that would have been better than Ron Blagojevich: Monica Lewinsky, any one of the Pussy Cat Dolls, a Republican, Harry Potter. Although he made a little political boo boo, Blagojevich says he’s not giving up. Unfortunately, the decision is not really up to him. Traditionally, when a 52- year-old politician is impeached by a 59-0 vote, he should probably begin looking for alternate forms of employment, especially when he is the first ever to lose his job as governor in Illinois state history.

Perhaps I am wrong. Maybe New York will welcome Blagojevich with a warm hand after their recent experience with Eliot Spitzer and his prostitution ring. Another possibility for Blagojevich is to turn lemons into lemonade. Maybe he can continue selling vacant senate seats to the highest bidder; it would certainly be more productive than running for anything himself. If his profits were large enough then maybe he could patch up the $5 billion budget deficit to which he contributed while in office. Yet it is a likely bet that he will circumvent working at all, and simply hire someone to write him a crappy “autobiography.”

Blagojevich has one thing right, however. He has definitely got the look. If anyone can pull off “politician” it is going to be him. From his practiced smile to his beauty Padgett wave, every time he steps out of his private jet, you’d think he was vying for the position of president, or maybe dictator. The amount of hairspray it takes to hold Blagojevich’s do is an environmental don’t. His perfect swoop rivals even the best southern frat guy’s. Newly sworn-in Governor Quinn has his work cut out for him. But isn’t that what Rogaine is made for?

But Governor Quinn is not just going to have to compete with Blagojevich’s look. He also has the name “Blagojevich” to contend with. And Blagojevich made sure to leave his mark. Signs holding his name are all over Illinois, including specially made monsters that hang over I-PASS collection lanes on the Illinois Tollway. But don’t worry, one of the first things Quinn plans to do as governor is to take care of those signs. I’m sure the budget deficit will come as a close second.

It also appears that Blagojevich has a gift for gab. In his 47- minute closing statement he assured his constituents over and over again that he was innocent. However, Blagojevich’s main argument for his guiltlessness was that the federal case was based on witnesses’ recorded statements that he could not obtain, and therefore could not disprove. He also tried to mitigate his circumstances by reminding everyone of his healthcare efforts for the poor. Despite his plea of innocence, Blagojevich refused to be questioned as a witness, ergo refusing to take an oath. His reluctance to do so could be rooted in his fear of telling the truth, or it could be that he was just saving his voice for his opening statement, closing statement, and the countless press conferences and talk show appearances before and after his conviction.

When politicians were interviewed after the trial, their remarks regarding Blagojevich sounded more like quotes on the back of a New York Times bestseller:

“An arrogant assumption of power.”

-Senator Bill Haine

“A spellbinding performance…a devious, cynical, crass and corrupt politician.”

-Senator Dale Righter

“An unusually good liar.”

-Senator Matt Murphy

Peter Goldschmidt is a sophomore financial consulting major. He can be reached for comment at [email protected].